I Cross My Heart
by KittyLikesToScratch
Summary: The story takes place at the end of S1beginning of S2 when Addison shows up in Seattle. It’s my own little take on what should have happened to her & Derek because Addek is LOVE. This is a terrible summary. You should just read the story for yourself.
1. Crashing Down

**The Dealio**: This is my first story I've actually posted, but not the first one I've written. I've actually been working on this for a while, but I erased a lot of what I wrote the first time because I didn't like it. Yes, I am an anal perfectionist. I figured if I didn't put it up soon, I was going to do the same thing again, and then I'd be getting no where. So… here it is, love it or hate it.

**Summary**: The story takes place at the end of season one/beginning of season two when Addison shows up in Seattle. It's my own little take on what should have happened to her and Derek because **Addek is LOVE**. This is a terrible summary. You should just read the story for yourself. :-)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Addison, Derek, or anything having to do with _Grey's Anatomy_, except for the DVDs and the calendar; however if I _did_ own them, they would still be Addison and Derek, and the little Grey's world would be a happier place for it. Also, any lines you recognize are not mine. I borrowed some of them because they were too good not to use. But anything you don't recognize is mine.

**ENJOY and review, por favor.**

* * *

_**Chapter 1  
**__**Crashing Down**_

"_Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We have reached our cruising altitude of 10,000 feet, and it looks like we'll be having a pretty smooth ride across the country today. We should be landing in Seattle around 6:30 p.m. local time. Please enjoy the rest of your flight, and as always, thank you for choosing Delta Airlines."_

Addison Montgomery-Shepherd adjusted her pillow against the window and closed her eyes, hoping to get at least an hour or two of sleep before the plane touched down at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. She hadn't gotten more than a couple hours of sleep the previous night, and she was exhausted. Hell, she hadn't gotten more than a couple hours of sleep in the last six nights, maybe even longer than that. She'd lost count by now, and to be honest, it didn't really matter anymore. As she began to drift off to sleep, thoughts of everything that had happened in the last few months began to haunt her once again.

- - - - - - - - - -

_These back steps are steeper to the ground  
__The brightest stars are falling down  
__I'm walking the edge  
__I'm walking the tightest rope  
__And we can be frank  
__Reality rips on through, rolling like a hurricane  
__I'm over the bridge and under the rain_

The past couple months or so had been a blur. She'd been on the worst emotional rollercoaster of her life, and it didn't seem as though she would be getting off of it anytime soon. After Derek had left her a little over two months ago, she spent almost a week at home, crying and refusing to talk to anyone, even Mark, who had always been there to comfort her in the past. _This whole mess wouldn't be happening if it weren't for him_. She said this to herself over and over, but no matter how many times she repeated it, she was never quite convinced of its truth. She knew she was also, if not mostly, to blame for engaging in the biggest mistake of her life, which was what made it so hard to get out of bed in the morning, so hard to change out of Derek's old CBGB shirt that she loved, and so hard to even look at herself in the mirror most mornings.

After that fateful night with Mark, she wasn't sure how she was going to carry on with her life. Everything she'd known for the last fifteen years had suddenly changed. That week she spent at home afterwards was the worst of her life. After begging Derek not to leave her after he found her and Mark together that night, he had walked out anyway, and she spent most of the night and early into the morning sitting on the stairs waiting for him to walk back through the front door. She eventually fell asleep there around dawn and was awakened a few hours later to her best friend, Savannah, helping her upstairs. They got about halfway up before Addison broke down. Savvy helped her to sit down and rubbed Addison's back as she laid her head in Savvy's lap and bawled. Addison cried until she felt sick and couldn't cry anymore. She finally let Savvy help her the rest of the way upstairs and into the shower, then into the guest bedroom to sleep, as Addison couldn't bear to sleep in the room she had shared with Derek. After that, Addison had refused to see or talk to anyone for days. She was essentially numb to the world around her.

It had taken more strength than she was really willing to give, but five days later, Addison knew she had to get back to work. There were laboring mothers whose deliveries couldn't be put on hold just because her life was crumbling around her. So she went back to work, trying to put on a brave face and take life one day at a time. She was incredibly lonely, sad, upset, and angry (mostly at herself), so when Mark showed up at her door one night and practically begged her to give him a chance, she gave in, against her better judgment. She was afraid that Derek was never coming back, and she didn't want to believe that she'd thrown her marriage away on just a fling. So she stayed with him. She knew better, she knew his ways, but she didn't want to listen to the rational voice in her head telling her to get out of that relationship. She stayed with him for about two months, never really happy but trying to convince herself that everything would be okay, until her life got so chaotic that she just couldn't handle it anymore.

- - - - - - - - - -

_If everything's falling, if everything's changed  
__If I'm in the open, if I'm in the way  
__What am I doing here if you're not with me  
__What have I got to live for if it's just my own dream  
__Take it back to the beginning, back to the start  
__Gravity's pulling; you're still holding my heart  
__You come crashing down, crashing down_

Two days ago. That's when she realized that she couldn't play this game any longer. Mark had had three very long, very complicated surgeries that day, and he was on call that night, which meant he would be spending the night at the hospital. Which was fine because she didn't want to see him, anyway. In fact, she didn't care if she ever saw him again in her life. Luckily for Addison, she had the next day off because, as usual, she couldn't sleep. She hadn't had a good night's sleep since Derek had walked out and never looked back. So she lay in bed, tears streaming down her face as she thought about what her life had become. She couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed a box of Kleenex and her laptop. She started it up as she climbed back into bed, still wearing Derek's old CBGC shirt (which she only wore on the nights when Mark wasn't there). She quickly found what she was looking for – a one-way ticket to Seattle, Washington leaving the day after tomorrow. _That should be plenty of time to call Richard and let him know I'm coming for sure_.

Richard Webber, her mentor from the time of her internship and residency, had called Addison last week, asking her if it would be at all possible for her to fly out and consult on a complicated case of TTTS. That alone had caught Addison's attention; it would be a rare and interesting procedure that she and only a handful of other doctors could perform, but she wasn't sure if she could manage the time off. She had missed work a lot recently due to "personal problems," as she had told her boss. She had told Richard that she would see what she could do. He agreed, and she was just about to say goodbye when she heard him sigh heavily into the phone.

"Richard? Is there something else?"

"Addie… I don't really know how to tell you this. But I've known you a long time, and you're like a daughter to me, so I have to…. Derek is here. He's been here for a little over two months, and he asked me not to call you. He wouldn't say why, but I told him I would respect his wishes. But I can't do that anymore. He's been seeing an intern here. I don't know for how long or how serious it is, but I can't just stand by and let him throw away his marriage. So I thought you should know."

His words stung. Derek, _her_ Derek, was seeing someone else. He moved across the country and had forgotten about her in only two months. Her eyes began to well up, and she barely managed to finish the conversation with Richard.

"Um… okay, well… thank you. I'll call you soon and let know about the TTTS case." And with that, she hung up and burst into tears. _Perfect. Absolutely perfect timing, as always. I can't take this right now… I just don't know what to do anymore._

She chose not to think about everything during the next couple days. She became numb to everything around her, except for her work and her patients. They were the only thing keeping her sane for the time being. She thought she would be okay if she just pushed all those painful, complicated thoughts aside for a while, but it only turned out to make things worse. They built up and up inside her mind until she reached the breaking point and just couldn't take it anymore.

Sitting alone in that bathroom stall, tears streaming down her face and an EPT in each hand, she could only shake her head in disbelief. _No, no, no. This can't be happening. Not now. Not with him_. She didn't know how long she sat in there. All she knew was that there was no way she could go through with this. She couldn't tell mark. If she said it out loud, that would make it true, that would make it real, and it would be too much to deal with. Plus, she already knew how he would react. He had never been a big fan of kids, nor did he have any desire to be a father. He had made that abundantly clear whenever Derek's nieces and nephews came to visit. Deep down, she already knew what she was going to do… but she just couldn't think about it. Not yet, anyway.

She went to find an on-call room to collect her thoughts, and the one she walked into turned out to be occupied. By Mark. And he wans't alone. He was sleeping, naked, next to some blonde nurse with big boobs, which he had undoubtedly had something to do with. Addison quietly let herself out of the room.

She made an appointment at a clinic outside of Manhattan for the day after next. She managed to keep her composure on the drive there and throughout the procedure. She made it back to the parking lot and into her car. And then she lost it. She cried all the way back home. She cried the whole time she made the dinner she didn't eat. She cried while she took a shower and while she changed into that old t-shirt she loved. She cried until she felt sick and couldn't cry anymore. She lay in bed feeling empty, numb, and broken. The tears started flowing away, silently this time, and she let them come until she couldn't handle it anymore. That's when she found herself on the computer at 2:00 a.m. buying a plane ticket to Seattle.

_These four walls are closing in on me  
__The talk is louder than I'll sing  
__I want to be there  
__I want to be where you are  
__But you know it all  
__Every look and smile that are mean to break  
__I'm over the bridge and under the rain_

- - - - - - - - - -

Now she was on that plane. On her way out to the west coast. To a city she'd never been to or ever cared to visit. To see the husband she loved more than anyone else in the world. Who probably despised her by now. She had tried to get in touch with Derek, hoping that she could at least talk to him to make sure he knew she was coming. But he never answered his phone. She called for two days, and he never once picked up. _Great. What have I done with my life? How did I get so screwed up??_ She was jolted back to the present as the pilot announced their descent into the Seattle area. She sat up and smoothed out her black pants and sweater and waited for the plane to land. _This is it_, she thought to herself. _No turning back now._

_If everything's falling, if everything's changed  
__If I'm in the open, if I'm in the way  
__What am I doing here if you're not with me  
__What have I got to live for if it's just my own dream  
__Take it back to the beginning, back to the start  
__Gravity's pulling; you're still holding my heart  
You come crashing down_

_You come crashing down..._

* * *

Well, what do we think? Was it too confusing? I know I jumped around a bit, but I tried to tie everything together. It made sense in my head, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. So if you're confused, let me know, and I'll try to clarify. Also, if there's something you want to see, let me know. I'm not promising anything, but I'm open to new ideas.

Chapter 2 is ready to go... if I get some reviews. :-)


	2. All I Need

Wow... I'm impressed. I didn't think you guys would like this that much. Haha. Well, here is chapter 2, as promised. Chapter 3 is in the works but won't be up until Sunday at the earliest. I am taking off tomorrow for my cousin's wedding... nothing spells fun like a six-plus hour car ride with your parents and brother. I hope I survive.

Oh, and for McAddex and anyone else who was wondering, the song from the first chapter was by Mat Kearney, as is this one. I will try to be better about posting that.

**Disclaimer**: Same as before. And I obviously don't own any of the songs/lyrics I use, either.

**_

* * *

_**

**_Chapter 2  
All I Need  
_**

_Here it comes; it's all blowing in tonight  
__I woke up this morning to a blood-red sky  
__They're burning on the bridge, turning off the lights  
__We're on the run; I can see it in your eyes  
__If nothing is safe, then I don't understand  
__You call me a boy, but I'm trying to be the man  
__One more day, and it's all slipping with the sand  
__You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand  
__The back of my hand_

Addison collected her luggage from the baggage claim, picked up the keys to her rental car, and was soon on her way to her hotel. She dropped her things off, fixed her hair and make-up, and grabbed her purse as she headed off to Seattle Grace Hospital. She wasn't sure if she would see Derek tonight, and quite frankly, she wasn't sure if she was ready just yet. She had no idea what she would say or do or how she would feel if and when she actually saw him. But she had to go and have a chat with Richard before seeing her patient tomorrow. He had insisted that she come as soon as she arrived, no matter the hour. He had just had brain surgery and would be in the hospital for a couple more days. In her opinion, their chat could have waited until morning, but Richard sounded desperate for company, so she agreed to go.

_Oh, Lord, I hope this doesn't turn out to be a huge mistake. I'm not sure I can take anymore of those right now. After last week..._ She saw where her thoughts were headed, and she cut them off right then and there. Now was not the time to focus on that. She had other things to worry about. Like what she would say to Derek if she did happen to bump into him tonight. And what if he was with his intern? What would she do then?

She was about to find out as she strode through the doors of the hospital. There he was in the lobby, helping _her_ with her coat. She froze in her tracks as she watched her husband with another woman. If she had been in her normal state of mind, she would have marched right over there, shook that woman's hand, and introduced herself as Addison Shepherd while casually throwing in a smart-ass comment such as, "You must be the woman who's been screwing my husband." But as it was, she was not herself right now. So instead of boldly confronting the couple, she slinked off past the front desk to the elevators to Richard's room, hoping that Derek didn't see her. It was obvious that she wasn't ready to talk to him just yet.

- - - - - - - - - -

Derek could have sworn that he had just seen a flash of familiar red hair walk through the lobby toward the elevators. But no, it couldn't be her. She was in New York, probably basking in the glow of her new life with his ex-best friend. She wouldn't be here in Seattle. But still… he would have recognized that hair and that walk anywhere…

"What is it?" Meredith asked him, noticing a change in his demeanor.

"Nothing. I just thought I saw someone…"

"Oh… well, are you ready to go?"

"Uh, can we do a rain check? I forgot that there's something I need to do before I can go." He headed in the direction of the elevator.

"Yeah, sure… call me later?" Meredith asked as Derek pushed the up button.

"Uh, yeah," he said hurriedly, not really hearing what she said.

The elevator came, and he stepped inside, still not fully believing what he saw. There was no way she would be here. She didn't even know he was here. Unless Richard told her. But he had sworn not to. A million thoughts and feelings were rolling around in Derek's head as the elevator continued its ascent. And the scariest one of them all was that he was almost hoping that it _was_ Addison he thought he saw in the hospital. And that he might be disappointed if he found out that it wasn't.

_Guess we both know we're in over our heads  
__We got no where to go and no home that's left  
__The water is rising on a river turning red  
__It all might be okay, or we might be dead_

- - - - - - - - - -

_If everything we've got is slipping away  
__I meant what I said when I said 'til my dying day  
__I'm holding on to you holding on to me  
__Maybe it's all gone black, but you're all I see  
__You're all I see_

Addison found her way to Richard's room, where she was greeted warmly by her former mentor. She reciprocated the welcome. It had been years since they had seen each other, and Addison hadn't realized how much she had missed him.

"So, Addie… how are you doing? I mean _really_ doing? And I don't want to hear any of this 'I'm fine' garbage."

She hesitated briefly and then sighed. "I'm a mess, Richard. I'm barely holding it together. I just saw them together in the lobby before I came up here… I didn't think I could hurt any more than I already was…" she trailed off.

"Addie… I honestly don't know what's going on between you and Derek, and I know there's really nothing I can say to make you feel better right now. But I know you, and I know Derek. I've known you both for a long time, and I know how stubborn and pig-headed you both can be. But I also know how much love there was between you, and a love that strong just doesn't disappear, no matter how much you've hurt each other. It's still there, Addie. I can see it. And I know Derek can, too, if he would just open his eyes and see what's in front of him."

He reached for her hand as tears threatened to fall down her face.

"Thank you, Richard," she whispered and gave him a small, grateful smile.

He gave her hand a quick squeeze. "Okay, now, get out of here and get some sleep. I can't have you tired and lethargic on your first day."

"Yes, sir," she said, giving him a mock salute. "Do you mind if I use your restroom before I take off?"

"Not at all," Richard replied, and Addison disappeared into the bathroom attached to his hospital room.

- - - - - - - - - -

_The walls are shaking; I hear them sound the alarm  
__Glass is breaking, so don't let go of my arm  
__Grab your bags and a picture of where we met  
__All that we'll leave behind and all that's left_

Not long after Addison had gone into the restroom, Derek appeared at Richard's door.

"Shepherd, what are you still doing here?"

"I, uh… I just thought I would check on you one more time before I left for the evening."

"Bullshit. What do you want, Shep?"

"I don't want anything. It's just… I could have sworn I saw…"

At that moment, the door to the restroom opened, and Addison stepped back out into Richard's room. Derek's eyes immediately darted to her, and she looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"Addison," Derek said, realizing that his eyes hadn't been playing tricks on him earlier. "What are you doing here?"

Richard spoke up before Addison had a chance to answer. "I asked her to come, Derek. We have a very complicated case of TTTS coming in tomorrow, and she's the best. We needed her here."

"And you couldn't have bothered to mention this to me?" Derek asked the chief, clearly pissed off.

"I tried calling you, Derek," Addison interjected quietly. "I called for two days. You never picked up your phone."

"Oh, and you wonder why?!"

"You just packed up and left everything, Derek! Nobody knew where you were going or where you ended up or if you were even alright! And then two months after the fact, I find out you're in Seattle. And I just thought that you would like a heads up that I was coming out here!"

"And that 'heads up' should have come from the person who invited you out here in the first place!" Derek angrily directed at Richard.

"Enough, Derek," Richard said calmly. He then turned to Addison. "Addison, you should get some sleep. It's been a long day. I'll see you at 8:00 tomorrow morning."

Addison nodded at Richard and gave Derek one last quick glance before leaving the room. Richard turned his attention back to Derek.

"My inviting her out here had nothing to do with you, Shepherd," Richard said calmly. "She agreed to come as a favor to me. And yes, I did happen to tell her that you were here, too, but if you will recall, you never actually gave me a reason not to tell her."

"I didn't think I needed to! I thought, as my friend, you would have respected my wishes."

"And as your friend, I did. But as the Chief of Surgery at this hospital, I had to do what was best for my patients. And that meant bringing Addison out. Your personal life cannot interfere with the running of this hospital. Is that understood?"

"Yes," Derek answered coldly.

"Good. Then I'll see you tomorrow."

- - - - - - - - - -

_If everything we've got is blowing away  
__We've got a rock and a rock 'til our dying day  
__Holding on to you holding on to me  
__Maybe it's all we've got, but it's all I need  
__You're all I need_

Back at her hotel, Addison decided that a long, hot bath would be the best way to unwind from her emotionally stressful day and prepare for the next. She undressed, climbed in, and closed her eyes, thinking about having seen her husband for the first time in over two months. That was _not_ how she wanted their first meeting to go. She was furious about the fact that Richard hadn't told Derek she was coming. She could understand it, if she really wanted to, but that didn't stop her from being upset about the way the events of the evening had transpired. But mostly she was just angry with herself.

She let out a sigh as she climbed out of the tub. She toweled off and then wrapped herself up in the hotel robe. After combing out her hair and brushing her teeth, she threw on Derek's old CBGB shirt, set her alarm clock for 6:00 a.m., and climbed into bed. Just as she was about to turn off the lamp, her cell phone rang. She picked it up to look at the caller ID. When she saw who it was, she flipped it open, hit Ignore, and then turned the phone on Silent mode. Of all the people in the world, _he_ was the one person she didn't want to talk to the most. She flipped off the light and turned over on her side. _I am SO not ready for tomorrow._ She was exhausted, but her mind was racing. She eventually drifted off to sleep, still thinking and worrying about what might come the next day.

_And if all we've got is what no one can break  
__I know I love you  
__If that's all we can take  
__The tears are coming down; they're mixing with the rain  
__I know I love you  
__If that's all we can take_

- - - - - - - - - -

Derek didn't go home after leaving Richard's room. Instead, he walked the few blocks from the hospital down to the water. It felt more open there, and his thoughts were free to run wild. Why did Addison come? Why didn't Richard tell him? What made Addison do what she did? Was he a bad husband? Or was it partly both of their faults?

He had no real answers to any of these questions. Just speculations. And those speculations wouldn't become more than that until he actually made the time and the effort to talk to Addison. But he didn't want to talk to Addison. At least not yet. She had hurt him more than anyone else had or ever could. But she was his wife. It was there in the vows. He was to love and cherish her, for better or for worse. And this was definitely the latter. But wasn't there something in the vows about forsaking all others? Well, to be honest, neither of them really lived up to that end of the bargain. He had had his work and his patients, and she ran to Mark. Mark. He didn't even want to think about Mark.

Derek paced back and forth on the pier until he had given himself a headache thinking about everything. There was no point in trying to figure these things out tonight. He clearly wasn't getting anywhere. And he had to be back at the hospital early the next morning. _Oh, the hospital. He left Meredith standing in the hospital earlier. She had no idea about Addison. What on earth was he going to tell her?_ Well, he guessed that would have to wait until tomorrow as well. Because if thought about any more of this tonight, his head may explode.

_A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground  
E__ight feet deep, and the rain's still coming down  
T__he TV's playing it all out of town  
__We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown_


	3. You Were Mine

Annnnd… I'm back. I survived, but just barely. Twelve hours total stuck in the car with the famdamily. Never again, I say.

This chapter is long(er). Not particularly one of my favorites, but it's necessary to get us from point A to point B. So read, review, and be merry. Oh, and this song is by the Dixie Chicks.

* * *

_**Chapter 3  
**__**You Were Mine  
**_

_I can't find a reason to let go  
__Even though you've found a new love  
__And she's what your dreams are made of  
__I can't find a reason to hang on  
__What went wrong can be forgiven  
__Without you, it ain't worth livin' alone_

It begin to rain as Addison made her way from the parking lot to the main entrance of Seattle Grace Hospital the next morning after only four full hours of sleep the night before. _What a fan-frickin-tastic start to this already wonderful day_, she thought bitterly. She headed upstairs to check in with Patricia at Richard's office, where she met Dr. Preston Burke, who was acting as Chief while Richard was out. She immediately liked Preston. He seemed like a very level-headed, capable doctor. After getting her badge and changing into the most hideous salmon-colored scrubs she had ever seen, she set off to find Dr. Burke again and find out in what room her patient was located.

As she rounded the corner, she saw Preston down the hallway… talking to none other than her husband. _Here we go_.

"Excuse me, Dr. Burke. Sorry to interrupt."

"You're never interrupting," Preston told her with a smile.

"She's always interrupting," Derek replied bitterly.

Addison ignored his spiteful comment and turned her attention to Dr. Burke. "I was just wondering if there was anything else I need to know I go meet my patient."

"Actually, there is," Preston began. "As I am sure you are aware, Seattle Grace is teaching hospital, so we frequently assign an intern to an attending for the day. And as I am acting as Chief until Richard is well, I don't have a lot of extra time on my hands to mentor an intern. So if you don't mind, I would like to have my intern assist you today. You _are_ the best in your field…" he added at the end, hoping it would be enough to convince her.

"Of course, Dr. Burke. I would be happy to have to extra help."

"Great. Ah, here she comes now."

Addison turned to her right to see who Dr. Burke was looking at. _You have got to be kidding. Is he trying to torture me?_ Addison thought to herself.

"Uh, Dr. Burke, are you sure about this?" Derek asked nervously.

"I'm always sure, Dr. Shepherd. But thank you for your inquiry." He then turned his attention to Meredith. "Good morning, Dr. Grey."

"Good morning, Dr. Burke."

"Meredith, this is Dr. Shepherd," Preston said as he nodded toward Addison.

Panic was rising up inside of Derek. Why hadn't he said anything to Meredith last night when he had the chance? He should have known all hell would break loose.

Meredith looked thoroughly confused and turned toward Derek, who was doing everything he possibly could to avoid eye contact with her.

Dr. Burke continued, "She is here to attend to our TTTS case, and since I will be acting as Chief until Dr. Webber recovers, I thought I would give you the opportunity to assist her today. She is the best in her field. I think you will learn a lot."

"Oh, I think I will…" Meredith said cryptically as she glared at Derek.

"Well, I will check in with you later, Dr. Shepherd. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you, Dr. Burke," Addison replied politely.

Derek looked completely bewildered as Dr. Burke walked away, leaving him standing between his wife and his girlfriend. Meredith was getting angrier by the minute, and Addison's stomach was doing flip-flops as she was realizing that Derek had never mentioned the fact that he had a wife to his _intern_.

Addison finally broke the tension. "Alright, Dr. Grey, shall we? We've got a busy day ahead of us."

Derek took off in the opposite direction as Meredith following Addison down the hall to meet her patient and begin the consult. _This is definitely going to be an interesting day_, Addison thought sarcastically to herself.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Define TTTS," Addison said to Meredith without looking up from the patient's chart.

"Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Conjoined fetal twins," Meredith quickly answered.

"Connected by?"

"Blood vessels in the placenta."

"Meaning?"

Meredith hesitated. She couldn't remember for sure off the top of her head. And this woman, whoever she was and however she was related to Derek, was intimidating.

"One twin gets too much blood, the other too little, endangering the lives of both. I'd expect you to know that, Grey," Addison snapped. _Okay, snapping at the intern probably wasn't necessary…_

"The other doctors told me there wasn't a chance that much could be done," said Susan Phillips, the mother of the TTTS babies.

"Well, in all honesty, TTTS is usually impossible to correct… unless you happen to be one of the handful of surgeons in the world who knows how to separate fetal blood vessels, which, luckily for you, I am," Addison reassured her patient, giving her a quick smile. "So, we'll get you into surgery tomorrow. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me or Dr. Grey."

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd," Susan told her gratefully.

"My pleasure," Addison replied, and she and Meredith left the room.

Addison walked over to the nurses' station and began to make notes in the patient's chart. Meredith just stood off to the side, wanting so badly to ask the intimidating doctor just _one _question but not finding the nerve to be able to do so.

"So, uh… you think the babies will be okay?" Meredith asked, feeling the need to break the silence.

"There are always risks, but I've done a couple of these procedures before with great success. So if all goes as planned, yes, I think the babies will be just fine."

Addison turned back to her chart as Meredith kept fidgeting beside her. She knew what the intern wanted to know, but she refused to volunteer the information.

"Dr. Grey, I need you to order an ultrasound and pre-op labs for Ms. Phillips, and could you please page me when those are done?"

"I will. So… what hospital are you with?"

"Mount Sinai. In New York."

"So… you are out here as a favor to the Chief?"

"Yes."

"Oh. How long are you, uh… going to be with us?"

"Dr. Grey, come with me, please."

Addison led Meredith down the hall to the empty break room and closed the door. "We have a very busy day ahead of us, so why don't you just ask me whatever it is you really want to know so we can get on with it?"

Meredith was taken aback by the bluntness in Addison's statement. She took a deep breath and then blurted out, "Please tell me that 'Shepherd' is your maiden name."

Addison looked away. She felt sorry for the poor girl; she really did. After all, it was apparent that she had no idea her boyfriend was actually married. The look on her face told Addison exactly what she needed to know: Derek had moved across the country and found himself a girlfriend, failing to mention the fact that he was currently married.

"It's not."

"Then are you… um… Derek's sister-in-law? Cousin?" Meredith asked hopefully, albeit naively.

"I think Derek is the one you need to be talking to," Addison told her, saying what Meredith already knew without actually having said it. With that, Addison left the intern standing alone in the empty room.

- - - - - - - - - -

It was almost 2:00 that afternoon before Addison finally got a break. One patient had turned into four, and before she knew it, her whole day was booked. She made her way to the cafeteria to grab something quick to eat before it was time to consult on another patient that afternoon. As she paid for her lunch and was exiting the cafeteria, she couldn't help but notice that all five people at the table where Meredith was sitting kept looking over at her and whispering to each other. _Wow… real subtle, guys. Could you be more obvious?? Oh, forget it. It doesn't matter, Addison_. Even as she told this to herself, she hated that people were talking about things they knew nothing about.

"So, how's it going with the new attending?" Cristina asked as she saw Addison leave the cafeteria.

"Who is she?" Alex asked with his mouth half-full of sandwich. "She's hot."

"Oh, where to begin…?" Meredith said.

"Why are you being so overly dramatic? I don't think I can deal with Moody Meredith today," said Cristina.

"Cristina! Stop. Okay, Meredith: Go," Izzie said.

"Okay, well… the new attending? Her name is Addison _Shepherd_." Meredith paused as a shocked look covered her friends' faces at once. "And before you ask, no, that's _not_ her maiden name."

"So you mean… McDreamy is married?!" Izzie asked.

"It appears that way."

"Wait… that's Addison Montgomery-Shepherd?! You are working with Addison Montgomery-Shepherd? Ugh! This is _so_ not fair. She is the best there is in her field. And seriously, how often does Seattle Grace get a TTTS case?" Cristina raved. They all just stared at her. "What?! I'm still on her side," she said as she pointed to Meredith.

"What did Derek say?" Izzie asked.

"Oh, you mean aside from the nothing he said to me last night and this morning?"

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh, God, she's going to kill me. And she could easily make it look like an accident."

"It's not like you knew he was married, though, Mer," George piped in.

"That's true. And she seems very professional. Just make it through today, and you won't have to work with her again," Izzie pointed out.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Okay, I can do this," Meredith said, sounding less-than-enthusiastic about it. She stood up and turned to face George and Izzie. "But if I'm not home by 9:00, send someone out to look for my remains, please."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "It will be fine, Mer. She really doesn't seem that awful."

- - - - - - - - - -

The afternoon passed by fairly quickly. Addison's other consults had been fairly simple, and now all she had to do was check up on her TTTS patient before heading back to her hotel. After reassuring Ms. Phillips about her surgery the next day, Addison asked her if she had any last questions.

"Actually, I was wondering… is it at all possible to have Dr. Grey taken off my case?" Susan asked Addison.

"Why? Is there a problem?" Addison asked her. She looked from her patient to her clearly baffled intern, obviously confused as to why Susan would be asking a question like that.

"I've heard the gossip around here, Dr. Shepherd. And Dr. Grey reminds me of someone I don't like very much. A certain someone my soon-to-be-_ex-husband_ likes a lot, particularly in lingerie. You understand."

"No. No, I don't understand," Addison said, starting to get annoyed with where this conversation was headed.

"Well, she's sleeping with your husband, right?"

"Ms. Phillips, not that this is _any_ of your business, but I lack Dr. Grey's class and patience, so let me set the record straight: My husband didn't cheat on me; _I_ cheated on _him_. So despite whatever rumors you've been hearing around here, Dr. Grey is the wronged woman. So, I think you owe her one _hell_ of an apology."

Addison stared her down for a few seconds to let her know that she had not appreciated the inquiry into her personal life and then she left the room.

Meredith stood there, too stunned to move for a few seconds. She finally spoke to the patient. "Um… if you need anything, just have a nurse page me." She then left the room, heading in the direction she had seen Addison go. She heard a door close loudly down the hallway and walked in that direction. Peering through the half-closed blinds of the break room, Meredith could see Addison on the couch, her face buried in her hands. She waited a few minutes before knocking softly and slowly opening the door. Addison looked up as Meredith entered, clearly embarrassed, and quickly tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Meredith grabbed a box of Kleenex that were sitting on the table and handed them to the attending.

"Thanks."

"No problem," Meredith said quietly. "If you don't need anything else… medically related… my shift is over…"

"No, we're done for the day. But I do want to apologize. I lost my temper, and I shouldn't have. That's not how you should have found out about any of this. It was completely unprofessional of me, and quite frankly, it was embarrassing."

"Uh… okay," Meredith replied. She looked around nervously as she tried to think of something to say. "I, um… I never knew Derek was married. He never told me."

"I figured as much from the way things went today." Addison sat on the couch staring blankly ahead as a few tears escaped down her cheek. "You can go."

Meredith quietly slipped out of the room, totally bewildered by everything that had just happened in the last ten minutes. She really needed a hot, relaxing bath. And a drink. A strong drink.

- - - - - - - - - -

_Sometimes I wake up crying at night  
__And sometimes I scream out your name  
__What right does she have to take you away  
__When for so long you were mine_

_Ding-dong! Ding-dong!_

"It is almost 11:00. Who the hell is at the door?!" Meredith complained as she forced herself up off the couch where she had been watching a movie with a half-asleep George and Izzie.

She stopped in her tracks when she saw who it was through the glass door. She just rolled her eyes and began to turn around.

"Meredith, please… I need to talk to you," she heard Derek say though the door.

She opened the door just enough so he could hear what she had to say. "No, you needed to talk to me last night. Or two months ago!"

She slammed the door shut again.

"Meredith, come on. Give me five minutes. Please."

She opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. "Fine. You have five minutes. Ready? Go."

"I'm so sorry, Meredith. I should have told you about Addison the day we met. But I didn't, and we started this thing, and it made me happy, and it almost made me forget about everything bad that was going on in my life. I was hurting so bad when I moved out here that I didn't even want to think about that part of my life. I just wanted to forget about her. How could I not? She cheated on me."

"So I heard," she replied in an annoyed voice.

"What? How?"

"She told me. Well, technically, she told a patient after the patient pissed her off with some comment about how I reminded her of the woman _her_ husband cheated with."

Derek was shocked. He couldn't believe Addison had actually had this conversation with his girlfriend. But he was pretty sure she had left out one significant detail. "What exactly did she tell you?"

Meredith sighed. "That's it. Just that she was the one who cheated. She seemed pretty upset after she told the patient off."

"So, I see she failed to mention the fact that the man she cheated on me with just happened to be my _best_ friend. My _best friend_! He was like my brother, and she slept with him! In our bed!"

"Yeah, she didn't mention that…"

"After I found them together, I couldn't bear to stay in New York. So I left. I called Richard, he offered me a job, and I came here. Drove all the way here from New York. And then I met you."

"So what was I to you, then, Derek? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?"

"Meredith, I don't know! I don't know much of anything right now, okay? Addison just showed up out of no where, and I don't know how to deal with that. She's here, and you're here, and I… I'm going to need some time to think about all of this. It's just… so much to handle."

"Fine, whatever. I love being with you, and I think this could really turn into something great. But just so you know, I'm not waiting around forever, Derek. You have to choose. It's either her or me. You can't have it both ways."

"I know, Meredith! Damnit! Don't you think I know that?!"

Meredith was quiet now as she watched Derek continue to pace.

"I never meant to hurt you… I'm sorry, Meredith."

"Yeah… me, too." With that, she went back inside, leaving Derek alone on the porch to sort out his feelings.

- - - - - - - - - -

_I took out all the pictures of our wedding day  
__It was a time of love and laughter  
__Happy ever after  
__But even those old pictures have begun to fade  
__Please tell me she's not real  
__And that you're really coming home to stay_

Addison walked through the lobby of her hotel and had almost reached the elevator when the man at the front desk got her attention.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

She whipped around. "Yes?"

"A package came for you today," he said as he reached behind the counter and pulled out a box.

"Thank you," she replied, obviously confused, and continued up to her room.

She saw on the return address label that the package had come from Savannah. _That's weird_, she thought. _I don't remember asking her to send me anything_.

As soon as she reached her room, she tore open the package, wondering what as so important that Savvy had felt the need to overnight it across the country without even letting her know it was coming.

Inside the box were many rectangular tissue-wrapped objects with a note on top. Addison opened the envelope and pulled out a short letter.

_Addie,  
__I saw these when I stopped by your house yesterday, and I knew you would tell me not to send them, which is why I didn't tell you they were coming. I think you should have them with you, though, to remind you why you're there. I hope everything is going well. Or at least okay. Call me when you can.  
__Love you always,  
__Savvy_

Addison put the letter aside and pulled out the first object. She suddenly realized what it was that Savvy had felt the need to send. She slowly tore the tissue paper off to reveal a picture frame that held a photo of a bride and groom, staring lovingly into each other's eyes. She and Derek. On their wedding day. She stared at the picture for a long time before pulling out the next and then the next. There were three picture frames in total and an incomplete wedding album. Savvy had taken the liberty of removing all the pictures that Mark had been in, which turned out to be a great deal, seeing as how he had been the best man at Derek and Addison's wedding. She flipped through the pages of the album, smiling sadly as she remembered the happiest day of her life.

As Addison reached the end of the album, she saw her favorite picture from that day. She and Derek were standing on the steps of the church where they were married, embraced in a kiss as rice was thrown all around them. They looked so happy, like they had really believed they would live happily ever after.

She sighed as she put everything back in the box and then put the box in the closet. Seeing her wedding pictures made everything come screaming back to her, and she couldn't help but think about when her marriage had been good and strong. Back before it all went to hell. It was all too much to deal with right now. She was already on the verge of tears from the day she had had, and she was sick and tired of crying. She'd been doing far too much of that lately. She quickly got ready for bed, crawled under the blankets, and fell into a fitful sleep.

- - - - - - - - - -

Derek lay alone in his trailer later that night. He couldn't sleep. His mind was racing. He still couldn't believe that Addison was here. Even more than that, he couldn't believe that she had had the conversation she did with Meredith. Addison. Meredith. Addison. Meredith. His life used to be so simple. Love Addison and work hard at his chosen profession to provide for her. Somewhere along the way, the work had become more important than the part about loving his wife. Not that he ever stopped loving her. He just became… indifferent. It was a terrible thing, but it happened. Which is the same thing Addison had said about Mark. It was a terrible mistake, but it happened. So what did that make Meredith? Derek didn't feel that she was a mistake, but he had an unsettling feeling about their relationship. Oh, God, what was he going to do?

_Sometimes I wake up crying at night  
A__nd sometimes I scream out your name  
__What right does she have to take you away  
__When for so long you were mine  
__I remember when you were mine…_

* * *

Hmmm... what do we think? Me thinks the next chapter will be more interesting. Should be up in a few days, depending on my social calendar. It's usually pretty empty, but the county fair is this week, and I have plans to go listen to some hick music and eat an elephant ear. And if you don't know what that is, you are really missing out on something great. 


	4. Takin' Care of Business

Sorry for the delay. I have been hanging out with the 3D people and having a life this week.

I listened Christmas music on the way to work this morning. Yes, already. It has inspired an idea for a new story, which has been playing out in my head. But I should probably finish this one first... :-)

The song in for this chapter is by Bachman-Turner Overdrive. There is no real meaning to extract from it... it's just a fun song.

* * *

_**Chapter 4  
**__**Takin' Care of Business**_

_You get up every morning from your 'larm clock's warning  
__Take the 8:15 into the city  
__There's a whistle up above and people pushin' people shovin'  
__And the girls who try to look pretty  
__And if you train's on time, you can get to work by nine  
__And start your slaving job to get your pay  
__But if you ever get annoyed, look at me; I'm self-employed  
__I love to work at nothing all day_

"Nice hat," Derek mocked as Richard stepped into the elevator about a week later.

"Shut up."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm going back to work. What does it look like I'm doing?" Richard replied.

"You're not cleared for surgery."

"Just shut it, will you? I've been sitting at home for three days watching Oprah give things away on TV. Oprah, Derek! It's always her or that dancing lady or those other four obnoxious women on TV. Nothing else! It's enough to drive me mad. You clear me now, or I'll hurt you. I'll put you in a room for three days and make you watch them all!"

"If you wanted me to clear you so soon, maybe you should have thought about that before you gave Chief to Burke and invited Satan to Seattle."

"Satan?" Richard asked.

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. Why did you ask her to come here?"

"You know just as well as I do that Addie is the best there is in her specialty, and with a case that was a risky as the one she performed – successfully, might I add – I didn't want to take any chances. And, if you'll recall, you never actually told me what happened between the two of you, so how was I to know that you were so against her coming out here?"

"How long is she going to be here?" Derek asked, avoiding the question.

"I asked her to stay for a few weeks or so. I want her to keep an eye on our TTTS case, and we have a pediatric attending on leave, so we could use the extra hands. She graciously agreed, despite the workload she must have in New York. Such a nice lady."

Derek glared at his former mentor. "I always knew you favored her," he said, only half joking.

"Don't be so dense, Shep. She didn't come all the way out here for work. And if you would just open your eyes and stop being so damn stupid, you would be able to see that."

They rode in silence the rest of the way up. As Richard stepped off the elevator, Derek told him, "I'm not clearing you for surgery yet."

"Fine, then. I'll just catch up on my paperwork." And with that, he tipped his hat at Derek and walked away.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Alright, people. Rounds in five minutes. Get a move on!" Miranda Bailey's voice echoed through the locker room that morning.

"So, heard anything out of McDreamy since he came a' calling the other night?" Cristina asked Meredith.

"Nope. Nothing. Not even a simple 'Good morning.' And Bailey has done everything she can to keep me off his service."

"Hmmm…"

"Yeah. He said he needed time, so…"

"How much time?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think he'll go back to her?"

"I don't know."

"She _is_ his wife… I wouldn't be surprised if he did."

"Cristina! This isn't helping, you know!"

"Sorry."

"I know this is going to sound really selfish, but I really hope he doesn't. Go back to her, I mean. I know they're married… but he didn't even bother to tell me about her in over two months. She can't mean that much to him if he never said anything about her. And if I were him, I don't think I could forgive her for what she did."

"Grey!" came Dr. Bailey's booming voice. "Might I suggest that you spend a little less time analyzing the state of the Shepherds' marriage and a little more time focusing on rounds? Now! Let's go!"

Meredith and Cristina quickly hurried out of the locker room to catch up with Dr. Bailey and the other three interns. After finishing rounds, Dr. Bailey quickly gave out their assignments for the day.

"O'Malley, Burke. Karev, Shepherd. Grey, Montgomery-Shepherd. Yang, pit. And Stevens, you're with me today."

Meredith got a panicked look on her face. "Uh, Dr. Bailey, can I please have a different assignment? I'll take anything."

"Grey. Whatever is going on in your personal life, I don't care. When you are in this hospital, you will act in a professional manner. And today, that means working with Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, whether you like it or not."

_I've been takin' care of business (everyday)  
__Takin' care of business (every way)  
__I've been takin' care of business (it's all mine)  
__Takin' care of business and workin' overtime  
__Work out_

- - - - - - - - - -

"Good morning, Dr. Grey," Addison said as Meredith approached her up in the NICU.

"Hello," Meredith said shortly.

"Today should be a pretty easy day. I have a couple of c-sections scheduled and a few cases to consult on, but they seem fairly straightforward. If we finish early enough, you may be able to catch part of Dr. Burke's triple bypass this afternoon. So… let's get started, shall we?"

"Fine."

"I take it he told you the whole story? Is that why you're being short with me today?"

"Dr. Shepherd, with all due respect--"

"Listen. I'm going to be honest with you: I'm not particularly thrilled to be working with my husband's mistress all day, but since neither of us has a choice in the matter, let's get this out of the way now: When we are at this hospital, we are colleagues. Whatever is going on in our personal lives has to be put aside. Our top priority is our patients. Are we understood?"

"Yes."

"Alright then. Let's go."

- - - - - - - - - -

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Bailey."

The two doctors greeted each other as they stood side by side at the nurses' station at the end of the day, scribbling the finishing notes in their respective charts. Addison had decided almost immediately upon arriving at Seattle Grace that she like Dr. Bailey. Her no-nonsense attitude with the interns was something that Addison greatly admired.

"How did things go today?"

"Pretty well. I had a couple of c-sections, and they both went well."

"That's good to hear. Anything else I should… be aware of?"

"Dr. Bailey, why don't you just ask what it is you really want to know? What is it with people here always beating around the bush?"

"What makes you think that there is some underlying motive to my questions?"

Addison looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine… I give up. I know I don't know you very well, but I just wanted to make sure that everything went okay with Grey today. Even though you're only here for a couple weeks, my interns better be treating you right. I know how they can be when I let them out of my sight. And given how fast gossip spreads around here…"

Addison let out a small laugh. "Tell me about it. But really, they have been fine. Even Grey."

"Good. They better keep behaving that way."

There was a long pause while the two women continued writing in their charts. Addison scrawled her signature at the bottom of the page, closed the chart, and gave it to the nurse behind the desk to file.

"Good night, Dr. Bailey."

"Good night. Oh, and Addison… please let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Addison smiled genuinely for the first time since she arrived in Seattle. "I will. Thank you." She threw her purse over her shoulder as she headed out to her car to go back to her hotel, hoping to finally get a good night's sleep.

_If it were easy as fishin', you could be a musician  
__If you could make sounds loud or mellow  
__Get a second-hand guitar, changes are you'll go far  
__If you get with the right bunch of fellows  
__People see you have fun, just a-laying in the sun  
__Tell them that you like it this way  
__It's the work we all avoid, and we're all self-employed  
__We love to work at nothing all day_

- - - - - - - - - -

It was about a week later, and things between Addison and Derek hadn't changed much. Except for the occasional "hello" in the hallways and a few mutual consults, they had hardly spoken. Every time Addison had tried to start a conversation with him, something always "conveniently" came up. After being especially annoying and persistent yesterday, Derek had snapped at her and told her that he needed some space. _Are you kidding me?_ she had thought to herself. _You moved across the freakin' country over two months ago to get space! If that's not enough, then I don't know what is._

She was still frustrated about this when she got to the hospital that morning. And then, to top things off, Richard had informed her that he would like to have a talk with her that afternoon. She had no idea what it was about, but she figured that part of it would have to do with how she and Derek were doing, and quite frankly, she was not in the mood to discuss that with him. Or anyone, for that matter.

Her morning was spent consulting on a few new patients and performing an emergency c-section. The operation went over fairly smoothly, and mother and son were doing just fine. _At least something is going smoothly today_. It was almost 1:00, so she headed down to the cafeteria to grab some lunch before her meeting with Richard at 2:00. After paying for her salad, she sat down at a table in the corner of the outdoor cafeteria, which she hoped was far enough away from the table of gossiping interns that they wouldn't notice her sitting all alone. Despite the fact that she was a world-class surgeon, she still remembered what it was like to be the awkward geek with braces and a lisp who ate lunch alone every day.

From her spot in the corner, Addison saw Derek walk in and head over to the coffee cart to get his afternoon jolt. She could also see the interns suddenly stop what they were doing and look over at him. Yang pointed over at Derek and said something to Meredith, and a moment later, Meredith was walking over to him. Addison sat up straighter in her chair, ready to watch their interaction. She watched gingerly as Meredith began talking to him with a dopey grin on her face and then started flirting with him. _This is like watching a horrific car accident. I don't want to see what happens, but I can't seem to avert my attention_. She expected her husband to be happy to see his intern, but what happened next surprised her. Derek took his coffee from the vendor and began to leave the cafeteria. He turned around when Meredith called his name, and although Addison couldn't hear what he was saying, she saw the expression on his face. He was annoyed and pissed off, and Addison's insides did a little happy dance when she saw Meredith sulk back to her table a few seconds later. _Maybe there's still some hope for me after all…_

_Takin' care of business (every day)  
__Takin' care of business (every way)  
__Takin' care of business (it's all mine)  
__Takin' care of business and workin' overtime_

- - - - - - - - - -

"Hello, Richard," Addison greeted the Chief as she stepped into his office.

"Addison. Have a seat," he said, gesturing to the leather chairs in front of his desk. "How are you?"

"I'm doing okay. How about you?"

"Just fine. So… how is everything between you and Derek?"

"It's extremely… okay. What did you want to see me about?" she asked, changing the subject away from her and her husband.

He reached over and pulled an envelope from a stack on his desk and handed it to her.

"What is this, Richard?"

"I want you to stay," he said as Addison pulled a contract from the envelope.

"You're kidding, right? Richard, I--"

"Look… in Seattle, you can be front-page news. With your reputation and the money I'll put into promoting you, Seattle Grace will become one of the foremost neonatal hospitals west of Manhattan."

"That's really flattering, but it's not what I'm concerned about. Derek and I have hardly spoken since I arrived. He calls me 'Satan.' Aside from that, I don't really know where we stand and where this is going, and if it ends up not working out… I just don't think I could handle being here."

"Then don't stay for him, Addie. Stay for me. Stay for yourself."

"It's not that easy, Richard. I can't just pick up my life and move here. I have a job back in New York."

"Addison, I spoke to your Chief the other day. He told me that you gave him your resignation before you left. Said that you were really sorry, but you couldn't stay in New York anymore and that he should find a replacement for you."

She sighed and looked away. Everything he just said was true. She had no intention of moving back to New York. It was her home, but it held too many horrible memories, and she couldn't stand the thought of ever living there again, no matter what happened between her and Derek.

"Be that as it may, I… I have to talk to Derek before I can give you an answer."

Richard sighed heavily and crossed his arms, staring at her from across his desk.

"Don't think I'm not grateful for this, because I am. It's a very generous offer, and I would love to accept it and work for you again. But I have to do this. For my own peace of mind."

"Okay. Do what you have to do, Addison."

_We be takin' care of business…_

_

* * *

_Welp... there's chapter 4. Are we still liking it? If so, chapter 5 will be up in a couple days. If not... chapter 5 will still be up in a couple days. :-) 


	5. How Far

This is a short chapter. It was longer originally, but… I cut it shorter so as to leave you in suspense. HA. You'll see why. But hey, at least they're talking in this chapter. Those crazy kids. Gotta love 'em. Why is Shonda so insistent on keeping them apart? It breaks my Addek-loving heart.

**Song**: _How Far_ by Martina McBride

* * *

_**Chapter 5  
**__**How Far**_

_There's a boat; I could sail away  
__There's a sky; I could catch a plane  
__There's the train, there's the tracks  
__I could leave, and I could choose to not come back  
__Oh, never come back_

"Hey, Debbie, could please page Dr. Shepherd for me?" Addison asked the nurse. "I can't seem to find him anywhere." She suspected that Derek would be raster to answer a page if it came from Debbie rather than Addison.

She had been trying to talk to her husband all day. Well, to be honest, she had been trying to talk to him for many days. But she had woken up with resolve this morning. She was going to get him to sit his stubborn ass down and talk to her by the end of the day if it was the last thing she did. He had avoided her, like she had expected he would, but she hoped she had finally found a way to go over his head and get his attention.

And she was right. Less than five minutes after being paged, Derek got off the elevator and approached the nurses' desk.

"I was paged?"

Debbie looked up at him, and without any expression whatsoever, pointed over to where Addison was sitting.

Derek sighed and walked over to his wife. "You're the one who paged me?"

"We need to talk, Derek. I'm serious. No more of this bullshit about being busy. I saw your schedule, and you're free tonight."

He paused for a moment, and then, "Fine. Meet me back here at 7:00." And with that, he walked away again.

_There you are, givin' up the fight  
__Here I am, begging you to try  
__Talk to me, let me in  
__But you just put your wall back up again  
__Oh, when's it gonna end_

- - - - - - - - - -

_How far do I have to go to make you understand  
__I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
__Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are  
__So I'm gonna walk away  
__And it's up to you to say how far_

Later that night, Derek and Addison were across the street from the hospital at Joe's, seated at a booth towards the back. Both figured that this would be the place that would draw the least amount of attention to them, especially if this conversation turned into a fight. And if the nosey interns were around.

"So, what did you want to talk about? Why you haven't gotten on your broomstick and gone back to New York yet?" Derek asked spitefully.

"Stop being petty, Derek."

"Stop being an adulterous bitch."

Addison looked down at the table, fiddling with her napkin. She knew what she had done was horrible and probably the worst thing that she could have done to her husband, but she didn't need the reminder from him. She was haunted by it every day already.

"You know, there was a time when you thought of me as your best friend, not to mention the love of your life."

"Yeah, well… things change, don't they?" he said bitterly.

His words stung, and a hurt look immediately spread across her face. She tried to hide it, but it was too late; Derek had noticed. He immediately regretted his words. He didn't mean to hurt her like that. The words just slipped out.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." He took a drink of his signature double scotch single malt. "What was so important that you had to talk to me about?"

She sighed. "Derek, what's going on? Where are we? I mean… we have barely even spoken since I got here. I need to know things. I have got to get my life moving again, but I can't because I don't know anything. What's going on with us? Are we going to be adult and handle this or just side-step around it and hope it goes away? Because that's not going to solve anything."

"I don't know that I'm ready to talk to you just yet, Addison."

"Well, to be completely honest, I can't say that I blame you. But we need to. I can't wait until you decide that you're ready"

"Why? What's so urgent that this talk couldn't wait?"

"I had a talk with Richard today. And… he wants me to stay here. He offered me a spot on staff."

"Here? In Seattle? He wants you to stay in Seattle?"

"Yes."

"What did you tell him?"

"I said I had to talk with you first."

"Oh," he said simply.

"Okay, see, this is what I mean. You just shut yourself off. I don't know how you feel about anything," she said, obviously frustrated. "So I've been thinking and thinking of what I should do for days now… and I've only come up with one option."

Addison reached down and picked up her briefcase. Reaching into the side pocket, she pulled out two envelopes and handed them to Derek.

_There's a chance I could change my mind  
B__ut I won't; not 'til you decide  
__What you want, what you need  
__Do you even care if I stay or leave  
__Oh, what's it gonna be_

"What are these?" he asked with the slightest hint of panic in his voice.

"One of them is the contract that Richard offered me. The other… is divorce papers." His eyes immediately shot up at her. She could tell that this was not what he had been expecting, but she continued. "I had our lawyer draw them up… I'm giving you an out. I want to try to make this work. I want that more than anything in the world, but I've been here for two weeks, and I have no clear idea of where we stand. And I've seen the way you look at Meredith. You clearly have feelings for her. But you won't talk to me unless you're practically forced to. I'm strong, Derek, but I can only take so much. I plan on signing one set of papers. It's up to you to decide which ones. So… let me know when you've made a decision. The ball's in your court now."

With that, she took the last swig of her drink and stood up to leave. She grabbed her purse and briefcase, but before she walked away, she turned to him.

"Derek… has it ever crossed your mind that even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch that I still might be the love of your life? You might want to think about that before you just jump to a decision." And with that, she walked out of the bar.

Derek sat in the booth dumbfounded. That was definitely _not_ how he had anticipated the evening would go. He put his head in his hands, hoping that he would be overcome with some sort of divine inspiration that would tell him what to do. A few minutes later, he noticed that the interns, including Meredith, were staring at him from the bar and probably had been for quite some time. He slipped the two envelopes into his briefcase, took the last drink of his scotch, and left Joe's to go home and think.

_How far do I have to go to make you understand  
__I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
__Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are  
__So I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say how far_

* * *

Well… there you go. They talked. Addison laid down the law. Now, which ones is he going to sign? I don't know; we shall see! 


	6. The Space In Between Us

Geez, you are all so demanding. :-) I figured I better get this up before I leave for the long weekend. I'm going to be packing tomorrow night to leave after work on Friday. That's right, kiddies, I am venturing to SEATTLE! And… I'm going to ride the ferry. Oh, I'm excited.

My world is very small.

**Song**: "The Space in Between Us" by Building 429.

* * *

_**Chapter 6  
**__**The Space In Between Us**_

"Wow, what was that all about?" George wondered aloud.

"Wise up, Bambi. Satan just gave McDreamy divorce papers," Cristina said.

"She gave him _two_ envelopes, Cristina," Izzie pointed out. "They can't both be divorce papers."

"What do you think the other one was?" George asked.

"I don't know. But hey, things seem to be looking up for you, Mer," Cristina said, taking a drink and turning her attention toward Meredith.

"Don't jump to conclusions. You don't know that he will even sign divorce papers, if that's what they were," Izzie said.

"I hope he does," Meredith finally chimed in.

They all turned to face her.

"You can't be serious," a shocked Izzie replied. "Oh, my God, you are! Meredith, you've only known him a couple months. They've been married for years. Would you really want him to throw that all away? Put yourself in their positions."

"Well, he can't care about her all that much if he was able to just pack up and move across the country, start seeing me, and never even mention her."

Izzie just looked at her in disgust and disbelief. "If he didn't care, Meredith, he would have signed divorce papers months ago. He would be with you tonight instead, and he would have been with you the past few weeks instead of taking time to think. If he didn't care… this wouldn't be so hard for him. Think about that." She got up and walked out the door, leaving a speechless Meredith, Cristina, and George in her wake.

- - - - - - - - - -

_Look at my heart again  
__Look at the mess I've got it in  
__I'm learning to trust in you  
__To know that you'll see me  
__Through my pride and through my shame  
__Into your love, into your grace  
__I'm not looking back 'til I see your face  
__I'm running straight to you_

Derek sat on the porch outside the trailer, a beer in one hand and the two envelopes in the other. He had no idea what to do. He had left New York to uncomplicated his life, or so he though, and ironically enough, it had become even more complicated since he got here.

He had thought that he and Meredith would be able to start a relationship and that it would make him feel better. It had been easy and carefree, and she had fawned over him. He thought he could really fall for her. There were no worries, no history, no complicated feelings. Meredith was the complete anti-Addison.

But then Addison showed up. Addison. His wife. He had been married to her for almost twelve years. They had shared dozens of birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions together. They had experienced some of the best and worst times of their lives together. She was _his wife_. But she had cheated on him. She had hurt him more than anyone else ever had or could.

But… if he could manage to pull himself out from the situation and was totally honest, he would have to take part of the blame. He had become indifferent to her over the years. He had put her needs second to his obligations at work. And that was wrong. He hadn't been there for her the way he had promised he would be. She was lonely. She tried to tell him. But he didn't hear her. And then she had cheated. And then he found Meredith…

He was back to where he started. His thoughts just kept going around and around in circles.

He finished his beer and pulled the two sets of papers from their envelopes. He read over both of them for a good hour or so. Finally, he put them back in their respective envelopes and went inside to go to bed. He wasn't going to get anywhere tonight.

- - - - - - - - - -

_All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is  
Th__e space in between us  
__To break this division  
__All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is  
__The space in between us  
__Erase it and bring us together again_

Derek got in the elevator as soon as he arrived at the hospital the next morning and pushed the button for the NICU. He had woken up at 3:30 that morning and had not been able to go back to sleep. He couldn't stand the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had to sort this whole mess out, and if he had to take a sick day in order to do that, he would. He had been awake for at least an hour when suddenly his mind raced back to one of the most defining moments in his relationship with Addison.

_He had gotten off before her that night, and using the key that he had secretly stolen from her a week ago, he let himself into her apartment._

_It took about half an hour to get everything all ready, but it was perfect. He couldn't wait to see Addison's face when she saw it. He had covered the whole kitchen and living room with white candles, which were all lit, and he had the music that he knew she loved quietly playing in the background. A romantic meal was all set up at the table; the pasta that he knew was her favorite. _

_He suddenly heard her key turning in the lock, and he ducked into her bedroom where she wouldn't see him right away._

_He heard the door swing open and her purse fall to the ground. "What the… oh, my God…"_

_From his hiding spot, he could see her slowly walking around, taking everything in. Her back was turned when he quietly emerged from her room._

_He was there behind her as she turned around with tears beginning to form in her eyes. She looked him in the eye and opened her mouth, but nothing came out._

"_I love you, Addison. I've loved you from the moment I met you. I love the way you laugh at the most random things. I love the way you kiss me. I love the way you run your fingers through my hair. I love how my apartment smells like you, even after you leave. I love how my clothes look better on you than they do on me. I love you more than you'll ever know. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you. I know it won't always be easy, but I have faith in us, and I know we can make it through whatever life throws our way."_

_He got down on one knee. "Addison Montgomery, will you please do me the honor of being my wife?" Pulling out the ring from his pocket, he took her left hand in his._

_She stood there speechless as he held her hand. She moved her mouth, but nothing came out. Derek was starting to get worried that she was going to say no, until she began nodding her head furiously._

"_You'll marry me?"_

"_Yes! Yes, I'll marry you!" she finally managed to choke out._

_He quickly slipped the ring on her finger, then jumped to his feet. He pulled her into a hug, picked her up, and spun her around. Putting her down, he took her face in his hands and slowly kissed her lips. "You have just made me the happiest man in the entire world."_

He remembered that night well. He had meant every word he said that night. He really did love her as much as he professed to, and he had felt like the luckiest man alive when she agreed to marry him. So then, what went wrong? How could he become indifferent to someone he claimed to love so much? He just couldn't seem to figure it out.

Then it hit him. _"I have faith in us."_ Somewhere along the way, he realized, he had given up on that faith.

After that, he knew what he had to do. He had to act on that faith he had professed to have so many years ago. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was right. Even though it didn't feel right at this particular moment in time.

- - - - - - - - - -

The doors opened, and he stepped out onto the neonatal floor. His assumption that Addison would be up here had proved to be correct. He stood outside the NICU and watched her through the window for a few minutes. This was something he used to love to do back in New York. He would watch her with the babies. She would talk to them and stroke their tiny little arms. Sometimes she would even sing to them if no one else was around. He hadn't realized how much he had missed those little kinds of things. Eventually, Addison looked up and saw him standing outside. She flashed him a small smile, and he walked in.

"Hey."

"Hey," she answered quietly.

"You okay?" he asked. Her eyes were puffy, and he couldn't tell if she had been crying or if it was simply a lack of sleep.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Listen… I just wanted to apologize again for saying those things to you at Joe's last night. I didn't mean for them to just slip out like that."

"It's okay. You're angry. I understand."

"It still wasn't right, though. And I'm sorry."

"Okay."

They stood there in silence for a little while until Derek reached into his briefcase and pulled out one of the envelopes she had given him.

"I, uh… here," he said, holding it to her.

She just looked at it for a moment, her stomach jumping up into her throat. She hadn't been expecting him to decide on something so quickly. Now she was preparing for the worst. She finally took the envelope from his hand.

"Do I want to open this now?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"You can open it whenever you want," he replied as he sat down in the rocking chair in the corner.

She eyed him suspiciously, and after her curiosity had gotten the better of her, she opened the enveloped and pulled out a set of papers. A small smile began to spread across her face as she registered what set of papers were in the envelope.

"Sign them."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. You deserve this, Addie. And… I couldn't forgive myself if I just let you walk away without trying to fix us, despite the fact that I'm still angry with you right now. We have to give our marriage another try. I _want_ to give our marriage another try. Even if you are Satan and an adulterous bitch, which I shouldn't have called you…, you still may be the love of my life," he said, smiling a little after the last sentence.

"I don't know what to say… thank you, Derek." She crossed the room toward him.

"You're welcome," he replied softly, smiling up at her.

He stood up out of the chair to go change into his scrubs, and Addison took hold of his arm to stop him. She looked him straight in the eye and moved a little closer. He didn't pull away, so she leaned forward and kissed him ever so lightly on the lips. Pulling back, she saw a tiny smile play across his face.

"So… we're trying?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"We're trying."

_All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is  
__The space in between us  
Erase it and bring us together again_

* * *

Well, are we happy now? He gave her the contract _and_ they kissed (sort of). And they're trying. But it's not going to be an easy road for them. Because really... what's the fun in that? 

Like I said, I'm outta here for the weekend, so no updates until Monday night, at the earliest. Have a great long weekend, everyone! Reviewing will make it better…


	7. I Cross My Heart

**Random thoughts from the weekend:** (1) I, too, have a thing for ferryboats! Aaahhh, I love them! (2) I want to go to grad school in Seattle. (3) Rodeos are rather entertaining. Who would've thought? (4) I'm glad I was driving the opposite direction of the people who were backed up for 30+ miles on I-90 Monday afternoon. (5) Kate Walsh looked gorgeous in her wedding pictures. (6) I love that she chose "Bless the Broken Road" to play at her wedding. It's one of my favorites. (7) I am mad at Dell for backordering my new laptop for another month. (8) Three weeks until school starts... depressing. (8) Three weeks until Private Practice starts... exciting! (9) The big spider outside my window is starting to freak me out. (10) I'm a little freaking out by Halle Berry now, too, after watching Perfect Stranger. (11) I love The Sound of Music. Thank you, ABC Family, for playing it all weekend. (12) I don't think Justin Chambers is as attractive as I once did. (13) Patrick Dempsey, however, is still veeerrry good looking. (14) So is Eric Dane.

Props to you if you actually read all that. HA. Here's chapter 7.

**Song**: "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait (looove him).

* * *

_**Chapter 7  
**__**I Cross My Heart**_

It had been about a week since Derek and Addison had had their conversation in the NICU. Things had been going fairly well. Not great… but okay. They had been trying to eat meals together, if they had the chance, and Derek was making more of an effort to talk to her. They hadn't actually talked about anything serious regarding their relationship, and sometimes it seem as though Derek was annoyed at having her around, but overall, they were doing okay. At least for the time being.

Addison had signed her contract with Seattle Grace the day after they had decided they were going to try, and ever since, she had been kept fairly busy with laboring mothers. Today had been an especially busy day for her. She hadn't had time for anything other than a muffin for breakfast, and she'd had to skip lunch altogether. Derek caught up with her mid-afternoon as she was finishing up her notes on the patient she had just seen.

"Hey there," he greeted her.

"Hey, yourself. Sorry I had to skip lunch. I've been up to my elbows in placenta all day," she said.

"Thank you for that mental image. Here. I brought you a sandwich. You need to eat something."

"Thanks."

"So… how's everyone adjusting to your being here to stay?"

"Well, OB-GYN and neonatal are thrilled; however, I'm not a favorite among the interns. And I'm pretty sure the nurses couldn't care less so long as I don't make their jobs any more difficult. So overall, not much has changed."

Derek laughed. "Figures. Okay, well, I've got to get going. I have a consult in ten minutes. See you later?"

"Yeah," she said. After a quick pause, she asked tentatively, "Hey, Derek… can I see where you live?"

He paused for a few seconds, clearly a little uncomfortable about letting her that far into his life again and seemingly thinking of how to respond.

"Um… sure, I suppose. I get off at 6:00 tonight. Meet me downstairs?"

"Okay," she said. As he turned to walk away, she quietly said, "Thank you, Derek."

He turned around, flashing the tiniest hint of a smile. "You're welcome."

- - - - - - - - - -

"You ready to go?" Derek asked as he approached Addison in the hospital lobby that evening.

"Yep. Do you want me to follow you or what?"

"You should probably just ride with me, and I'll bring you back here later. Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll get lost. You were never great with directions."

"Ha ha, very funny. You're a funny guy, Derek," she said, secretly pleased that he was joking around with her. She agreed, though, and followed him out to his car.

After a ferry ride and what seemed like hours of driving through nothing but trees, Derek finally pulled up on a large stretch of land, in the middle of which stood a shiny silver trailer.

"Uh… you're kidding, right? You don't really live here… do you?"

"Actually, I do. It's beautiful out here. Just come and have a look. You might change your mind after you see it."

She doubted that. But she would give it a chance. After all, it seemed as if Derek was making somewhat of an effort here, so she would do the same.

He took her inside and showed her around the trailer. She couldn't believe that someone could actually live in that small of a space. Her closet in New York was only just a little smaller than that. The trailer definitely wasn't a home, but she liked it more than she thought she would. And she really did love the land it was sitting on, though she didn't actually admit that to Derek.

"You hungry?" he asked her from the small kitchen. "I've got a couple steaks I could throw on the grill, if you're interested."

"That sounds great, actually. I haven't eaten anything since this morning. That sandwich you brought me was disgusting."

"Okay, well… there are some drinks in the fridge. Make yourself comfortable. It shouldn't take too long."

- - - - - - - - - -

Addison and Derek sat on the porch after dinner in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. Dinner had been relatively pleasant, both of them making small talk, being too afraid to bring up something that might spoil the evening. But now that all the small talk was out of the way, neither knew what to talk about next.

The radio was quietly playing in the background, set to a local country station. Derek was mindlessly peeling the label off his bottle, and Addison was lost in thought when a familiar song caught the attention of them both.

_Our love is unconditional; we knew it from the start  
__I see it in your eyes; you can feel it from my heart  
__From here on after, we'll stay the way we are right now  
__And share all the love and laughter that a lifetime will allow_

_I cross my heart and promise to  
__Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true  
__In all the world, you'll never find  
__A love as true as mine_

Derek stood up and held his hand out to Addison. "Come on," he almost whispered.

She took his hand, and he pulled her up out of the chair and into his arms. Taking her right hand in his left, he held it next to his heart as they slowly danced in circles on the porch.

_You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete  
__And as long as there's a breath in me  
__I'll make yours just as sweet  
__As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see  
__So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be_

He pulled her closer as they continued dancing. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, just listening to the words and forgetting about everything else for just a little while.

_I cross my heart and promise to  
__Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true  
__In all the world, you'll never find  
__A love as true as mine_

_And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm  
__You've go the promise of my life to keep you warm_

Tears were silently falling down Addison's cheeks as she listened to those two lines, and Derek was beginning to tear up as well, though neither could tell how the other was reacting.

_In all the world, you'll never find  
__A love as true as mine  
__A love as true as mine_

By now the song had ended, but Derek was still holding Addison close. He could feel her shaking as she began to cry harder. He stared to rub circles on her back with his free hand to try to calm her down, but it wasn't working.

"Shhh, Addie. It's okay…"

"No, it's not! It's not okay!" she yelled as she pulled away from him. "This is our song, Derek. _Our song._ Do you even remember why it's our song?"

"Of course I do," he replied softly. "It was playing on the radio the first time I told you that I loved you. We were leaving Kathleen's wedding, and it was really late and really cold. You were mad at me for some reason… I can't really remember why. Anyway, we were sitting in the car waiting for it to warm up, and you had your arms crossed looking out the window, and all I could do was smile at how angry you looked. You got even more annoyed when you saw me and told me to wipe that 'silly-ass grin' off my face. Then I laughed and leaned over and kissed you, and I told you that I loved you. And this song was playing. You just sat there for a few seconds… really shocked. Then you got an equally silly-ass grin on _your_ face, and you said that you loved me, too, and that… that no stupid fight or anything would ever come between us."

She paused, surprised that he remembered that even in so much detail. "Yeah, I did say that. And you know what? I really did believe that we could make it through anything. I had so much faith in us. Shows how much I know, though, doesn't it?"

She sat down in one of the porch chairs and put her head in her hands as she continued to cry. "How did everything get so screwed up, Derek? How did we lose everything that ever mattered?"

"We haven't lost everything, Addie."

"Then why does it feel that way?"

Derek had no response. He hated seeing her like this. Nothing he could say would calm her down when she was this upset; so instead, he pulled the other chair up beside her and took one of her hands in both of his and just let her cry.

- - - - - - - - - -

Twenty minutes or so passed before the tears finally subsided. Now they were both just sitting on the porch in silence, Derek still holding Addison's hand.

"Do you want to talk?" he asked timidly, breaking the silence.

"No."

"Okay."

Silence. He hated this. He wanted to talk to her, make sure she was going to be okay. He hated that she was this broken. How had he not noticed it before? _Oh, that's right_, a voice in his head began. _You were too busy thinking about you to even see what was happening to her_.

"Look, Addie… it's getting late, and you look beat. Why don't you just sleep here tonight? You can take the bed, and I'll sleep out here in the hammock."

She really didn't want to stay, but she was too exhausted to argue with him. "Okay," she replied.

"Come on, I'll get you something to wear to bed."

He led her inside and pulled out an old t-shirt and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms that she used to love to wear.

"There's an extra toothbrush under the sink and extra blankets in the cabinet above the bed," he told her, remembering how she used to get cold at night. "Let me know if you need anything else."

She nodded in response, and he gave her a little smile as he headed back out to the porch.

"Derek?" she called quietly after him.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I didn't want to talk tonight. I know I've been bugging you about us needing to talk, but I just couldn't tonight. Just… don't… don't give up on me, okay? Because I've almost given up on myself, and if you give up on me, too..."

She looked away as she trailed off.

"Addison. Look at me." She turned her face toward him. "No one's giving up. I may still be mad at you, but I'm here. We're okay. Now, get some sleep, alright?"

"Thank you."

He smiled sweetly at her. "You're welcome. Goodnight."

* * *

Well. Lookie what I did there. You thought things were going to be all happy and sunshiny after that little dance on the porch. Wrong again. Addison is an emotional wreck. A little dance on the porch isn't going to fix that. Derek is trying to be there for her, despite the fact that he is still angry with her. Such a good boy. I'm so proud of him.

Derek and Addison get a surprise visitor in the next chapter. Who will it be…? I know! And if you review, you can know, too…


	8. Forgive Like Crazy

Alright… time to find out who the visitor is. You would have found out sooner if I didn't have the most sporadic internet connection ever. Seriously.

And I've got to say that I LOVE your reviews. They make me happy. :-) And I realize that Derek hasn't actually told Meredith that he and Addison are trying… but he will. I need to get this chapter in first, and then hopefully we'll be moving along and getting some things resolved. Or something closely resembling that.

Oh, and this is the first chapter so far where the title does not come from a song. Because I couldn't think of a song that would fit with this chapter the way that I wanted, and like I said before, I am an anal perfectionist.

Read.

* * *

_**Chapter 8  
**__**Forgive Like Crazy**_

"Excuse me. Do you know where I might be able to find Dr. Shepherd?"

It was around 11:00 the next morning. George looked up at the man standing before him. He was fairly tall with a full head of hair that looked like it had, at one point in time, been a dark brown color but was now a dark shade of grey. He had piercing blue eyes and a kind smile.

"Are you looking for Dr. Derek Shepherd or Dr. Addison Shepherd?" he asked the man.

"Derek. I'm his father. Patrick Shepherd," he introduced himself as he held his hand out to shake George's.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Shepherd. I don't know where he is at the moment, but I can have him paged, if you'd like," George offered.

"That would be great. But if you could, please don't tell him why he's being paged. I want to surprise him."

"I can do that. You can have a seat over there while you wait." He pointed at the waiting area.

- - - - - - - - - -

Derek was finishing up with a patient when his pager went off. He groaned at the sound of it. He was tired and was looking forward to getting a little bit of sleep before his afternoon surgery. He decided that would have to wait, and he made his way down to the nurses' station.

"I was paged?" he asked the nurse behind the desk.

"Derek!"

He whipped around, and a huge smile crossed his face when he saw who had called his name.

"Hey, Pops!" he said as he greeted his dad with a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I came out to see you, of course. That and I needed to get out of the house for a few days. Amy moved back home for a few weeks while Matt is out of town, and I'm drowning in a sea of estrogen again."

Derek laughed. He vividly remembered growing up in a house with five women. His mother was a saint; he was sure of that. She'd had three girls – Kathleen, Nancy, and Jill – before finally having the boy she so desperately had hoped for, only to be surprised again a few years later with another girl – Amy. He and his dad were always outnumbered, and as the girls got older, they made it a point to take a "guys' day out" once a week or so. Derek's sisters were… exhausting, in a word, so the men took any opportunity they had to escape from the craziness that was the Shepherd household. They would go fishing or hiking, pretty much anything that would get them out of the house. Derek had really missed his father since he had moved to Seattle and was more than happy to see him.

"I'm really glad you're here. I have a surgery scheduled for this afternoon, but it should only take a few hours, and after that, I'm free. We can have dinner or whatever."

"Sounds good. Why don't you give me a call after, and I'll meet you back down here."

"What are you going to do until then?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe go sightseeing. Go up in the Space Needle, watch them throw the fish around down at Pike's Place… I've never been to Seattle, you know," his father said with a grin.

"Alright, well, I will see you later then," Derek said, giving his father a quick hug before heading off to prep for his surgery. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too, son."

- - - - - - - - - -

After Derek had gone, Patrick went back up to the nurses' station and asked the pretty blonde nurse behind the desk if she would be so kind as to show him to Addison Shepherd's office.

The door was closed as they approached. He thanked the nurse and then softly knocked on the door.

"Come in," he heard a muffled voice say from the other side.

He slowly opened the door and stuck his head in. Addison was sitting at her desk charting and didn't look up as he entered.

"Hey, sweetie," he greeted her.

She looked up, startled by the familiarity of the voice. "Dad? Hi!" She jumped up from her desk to greet him.

He kissed her on the cheek and pulled her into a hug. "It's good to see you, honey."

"It's good to see you, too. What brings you out here?"

"Just came for a visit. The women have taken over the house again, and Jane thought a visit out here would be nice. She's worried about you and Derek, you know."

"I know…" Addison sighed. Her mother-in-law was always concerned with the well-being of her children. Addison knew that her sisters-in-law and their husbands found it annoying, but Addison loved that Jane was an active part of her children's lives. Her own mother and father had never been quite as involved in Addison's life, and even though she knew they loved her in their own way, she couldn't help but wish that she had grown up with parents who were more like Derek's.

"You should give her a call sometime. She would love to talk with you. I know you two have hardly spoken since everything happened," Patrick said cautiously.

"Yeah… I know. I just don't know what's okay to talk about anymore…"

"Addison, honey… you made a mistake. No one is denying that, but no one is denying that Derek made some mistakes, too. Jane and I still love you as if you were our own daughter, and we still think of you as such. I just want you to remember that."

"Thank you," Addison told him, trying to hold back her tears.

"How are you doing with everything?"

"I'm okay. Work is good."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. I just don't know what to tell you about Derek and me. Sometimes it's okay, and sometimes it's not. I'm trying, you know. We haven't really had a real talk yet. And part of me is glad because I'm scared of what might come out of that," she confessed.

"I understand. I know how stubborn you both are," he said, and she let out a little laugh. "But you have to talk. If this is going to work, you have to communicate."

She nodded, looking down at her lap.

"Addison, look at me." She looked up at her father-in-law with tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. "Derek loves you. He loves you more than anyone else in the world. But you know as well as I do that when he gets upset, he shuts people out of his life. He will come around, though. Because the love he has for you… it's still there. You wouldn't still be here in Seattle if it wasn't. Just keep holding on, sweetie. You'll make it."

Patrick pulled her into hug her, and Addison laid her head on the shoulder of the man who had been her father for the past 15 years and let the tears come.

- - - - - - - - - -

"So, how is everyone at home doing?" Derek asked his father as they were waiting for their dinner later that night.

"They're all doing well. Kathleen and David left the kids with us a few weekends ago while they went to Martha's Vineyard. Davey and the girls are getting along a lot better now. The girls told your mom and me that they have decided against selling him to the circus."

Derek laughed. His sister Kathleen had three kids – Hailey, 13, Laura, 11, and Davey (David, Jr.), 6. He remembered how Hailey and Laura hadn't wanted a baby brother at first and had tried to give Davey to Derek and Addison for Christmas the year he was born.

"How are the other kids?"

"Doing really well. Mollie is still doing ballet and loves it. Gracie will start kindergarten here in a few weeks, and Nancy is already sulking about her baby being all grown up."

Mollie, 10, and Gracie, 5, were the daughters of Derek's sister Nancy and her husband Jeremy.

"Doesn't Caitlyn start kindergarten this year, too? How's Jill doing with that?"

"She can't wait for her to start. That girl is a ball of energy, and Jill has her hands full with the twins."

Hayden and Avery, Jill and Jason's twin boys, had just turned 3 a couple months ago, and their big sister, Caitlyn, was 5.

"I bet. And you said Amy and Natalie are staying at the house while Matt is away. Where is he this time?"

"Hong Kong. He'll be gone for two more weeks and then hopefully no more long trips for a couple years."

"That's good. I know how much he hates being away from them."

Natalie was only a year old, and Derek knew how much his brother-in-law missed his wife and baby girl when he had to go away on business.

"And that just leaves… you," Patrick said, eyeing Derek. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Pops," Derek answered, taking a drink of his water.

"Are you really, now? Because it looks to me like you haven't gotten a whole hell of a lot of sleep recently. And you look lonely, son."

"I've just been busy with work lately. That's all."

Patrick sighed. His son could be so damn stubborn sometimes. He got that from his mother, of course.

"Derek, I know you may not want to hear this right now, but you need to talk to your wife."

"I don't want--"

"Just listen to me, okay? I know she made a terrible mistake, son. We all know that, and we're not condoning what she did. But your mother and I… we still love her. We love both of you so much. But as much as we love you, Derek, we know that you have to accept some of the responsibility for what your marriage has become. You were absent. You were indifferent toward your wife, and you and I both know that."

Derek didn't know what to say. His father was right, as much as he hated to admit it. He put his head in his hands and thought about what his father said.

"How do you do it, Pops?"

"Do what?"

"You and Mom. How do you keep your marriage so strong? All these years and all the fights and after five kids… you are still so happy. How do you do it?"

"Listen to me, Derek, and listen closely," Patrick said. "It's hard. It's damn hard. Your mom and I have to work at it every single day. But we've always remembered one simple thing – forgive like crazy. It's one of the most important things you can do. Everyone makes mistakes. But if you don't forgive each other, even for something as simple as forgetting to buy more milk, you don't stand a chance. Grudges are a perfect waste of happiness, and they will eat you alive. Forgive. Like. Crazy."

He paused to let those words sink in.

"I know you have a point, Pops… but it's much easier said than done."

"No one said this was going to be easy, son. But I promise you… it'll be worth it. Trust me."

* * *

Okay, I love Derek's family. Patrick Shepherd is awesome. He's like Super-Dad, minus the cape.

And yes, I am aware that in the show, Derek's dad is dead. But not in my world. There's going to be at least one person who doesn't have some weird daddy issues. You also may have noticed that Derek only has 6 nieces and 3 nephews instead of the 9 nieces and 5 nephews from the show. I changed that, too. Obviously. Nine seemed like a more reasonable number of kiddies for me to keep track of. So that's that.

I feel like there should be more drama. I'm not good at drama. I try to avoid it whenever possible. I'll work on that.

Anyway, you know what to do. So do it.


	9. Help!

Before I comment on anything having to do with this story, I have to talk about Kate's wedding pictures in _OK! Magazine_. So if you don't care about that, skip this paragraph. She looked sooo gorgeous and happy in all her pictures. I love the picture of her step-dad walking her down the aisle and of her showing off her wedding band. And her and Alex dancing. Adorable. And I love that one of her bridesmaids was her friend Jana Huntsinger that she mentioned when she was on Jimmy Kimmel the first time. I think that's all. :-) I'm glad she's so happy.

Okay, so… I know you guys _really_ want Addison and Derek to talk. Well, so do I. And they were supposed to be talking in this chapter. But other things got in the way. I may be the author, but I can't control everything.

I can promise you, though, that I am going to make them both sit their stubborn asses down in the next chapter and start getting everything all out on the table, whether they like it or not. :-)

Um… what else? I got my new laptop early! So I have forgiven Dell. And the spider outside my window is still there. Shouldn't it be dead by now?

**Song**: "Help!" by The Beatles.

Read, review, be merry.

* * *

_**Chapter 9  
**__**Help!**_

_Help! I need somebody  
__Help! Not just anybody  
__Help! You know I need someone  
__Help!_

_When I was younger, so much younger than today  
__I never needed anybody's help in any way  
__But now those days are gone; I'm not so self-assured  
__Now I find I've changed my mind  
__I've opened up the doors_

Derek's father had stayed in town for a few days after their talk at the restaurant. On his last night in Seattle, he had taken Derek and Addison out to a nice, yet slightly awkward, dinner at Anthony's down by the water.

As he was saying goodbye to Derek at the airport the next morning, he casually mentioned that under no uncertain terms would Derek and Addison be allowed to miss Christmas at the Shepherd house this year. He then hugged his son goodbye, said he would see him in a few months, and quickly made his way through security before Derek could argue.

It was now a few days after Patrick had left, and Derek was still no closer to dealing with his problems with Addison than before. It was immature and childish, but he didn't want to forgive Addison. At least not yet. Hopefully someday, but today was not that day.

And to make matters worse, he _still_ hadn't talked to Meredith yet. He was sure she had figured it out from the fact that Addison was no under a contract at Seattle Grace. Perhaps that's why he had been putting it off. Still, the right thing to do would be to tell her face-to-face. He had heard from at least three different people that she was looking for him, probably wanting to talk, but he didn't want to have that conversation today. He'd lost a patient on the table that morning, which had put him in a bad mood, and all he really wanted to do was to be left alone. And maybe take a nap.

- - - - - - - - - -

In contrast to Derek's day so far, Addison's had been going fairly well. She had been able to revive one of the preemies in the NICU who had stopped breathing earlier, and the rest of the babies were all doing well. Plus, she had Izzie Stevens assigned to her service today, and that typically put her in a good mood. Stevens was showing a lot of talent for Addison's specialty, and she was thorough and efficient with her work. She wanted to have a talk with Miranda about working with the intern on a more regular basis. That is, if Izzie showed interest in learning neonatal and OB-GYN. She made a mental note to talk to the intern about that later.

The only problem she had with Izzie was that she seemed to be intensely loyal to Meredith. While Addison did not have a problem with her being faithful to her friend (she actually kind of admired her for it), she was afraid that the intense loyalty would be a hindrance to the young doctor's future if she was unable to put those feelings aside.

Later that day, Addison's worries proved to be true when Karev, in a moment of stupidity, had not done a thorough check-up on a new admit, and she had coded. It took a major effort by many doctors and nurses, but the woman was stable once again. Addison had made an off-hand comment to Izzie about Karev's actions being rather irresponsible, only to receive a cold shoulder and a roll of the eyes as a response. Addison knew that Izzie did, in fact, agree with her (she had heard Izzie yelling at Alex soon after the incident when she thought Addison was out of earshot) but refused to acknowledge it for fear of her friends thinking she was siding with Satan. Addison just sighed and then sent her to pick up some labs.

It was almost half an hour afterwards, and Izzie still wasn't back with the labs that Addison had requested.

_This is getting ridiculous! Where has that girl gone? _Addison set out to find her. After searching for a while, she made her way down to the abandoned hallway where she knew the interns like to hang out when they had a free moment. She could hear two voices talking, and she immediately recognized them as Izzie and Meredith. She was about to interrupt when she heard Meredith mention her name.

"So, how's it going with Addison? Good mood? Bad mood? 'Yay, my husband picked me' mood? I need something, Iz. I can't get Derek to talk to me for more than two minutes. So…?"

"Meredith… things are going fine with her. And I'm not going to lie to you – I like working with her. And if I didn't feel like I was betraying you, I would probably enjoy it a lot more. You have got to give up this jealousy thing."

"What jealousy thing? We don't know that Derek chose to stay with her. I mean, he hasn't said anything to me about it, so as far as we know, he's still thinking everything over."

"Hello?! She signed a contract here. Why else would she have done that?"

"Lots of reasons."

"Don't be naïve, Mer."

"Well, has she said anything to you about it?"

"I don't talk about anything personal with her, so I don't have any idea what's going on with her and McDreamy. And honestly, I don't care."

"So… you like her? Even though she stole my boyfriend?"

"Listen to yourself! He's her husband! Just… cool it for a while, okay? She's a nice person…"

"If you say so," Meredith sighed.

"Hey, listen… if it makes you feel any better, I take issue with her salmon-colored scrubs."

"That helps a little."

"Okay, good. I gotta go. She's probably wondering where I am. See you at home," Izzie said.

Addison took off before either one of them could see that she had been there. At least now her suspicions were confirmed. She was going to have to have a little talk with Izzie later. And hopefully, Meredith would do as Izzie asked and stay away from her husband.

_- - - - - - - - - -_

_Help me if you can, I'm feeling down  
__And I do appreciate your being 'round  
__Help me get my feet back on the ground  
__Won't you please, please help me_

"Hello, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith greeted Derek.

"Dr. Grey," he responded, not bothering to look up from the chart he was reviewing.

"I was wondering… if you have a minute… maybe we could talk?"

"I, uh,... sure, I suppose. I have a few minutes before my next patient." Derek closed the chart and walked down the hall toward the empty conference room, Meredith trailing closely behind him. He opened the door for her and then closed it behind them.

"So, um... how are you?" Meredith asked lamely.

"I'm okay."

"That's good…"

"Look, Meredith, I know why you want to talk, and I'm sorry that I didn't have this conversation with you before… but I'm sure you know by now that Addison is staying in Seattle."

"Yeah, I gathered that."

"Good."

"So… where do you and I stand, then?"

Derek stared at her, looking for any indication that she was kidding. She wasn't. _Oh, boy…_

"She's my wife, Meredith," he said, not really answering her question.

"Yeah, I recall _her_ mentioning something about that. But what does that mean for you and me? Are you staying with her? Or what? Because you've managed to keep me out of the loop here so far."

"Yes, I am staying with her. We're trying to make this work. And you're right – I should have told you sooner. And I'm sorry about that. But whatever you and I had… it can't go on."

"So, you picked her. Didn't want to go through a messy divorce? Thought you'd take the easy way out of this thing?"

"The easy way?!" he exclaimed. "There is no _easy_ anything here, Meredith. I'm just doing the best I can right now, and I'm sorry if that doesn't work for you."

"Well then, answer this: Is she what makes you happy? Because you sure as hell don't look happy to me."

Derek sighed, thinking of how to respond. "Things are really complicated right now. And a little understanding from you would be nice."

"You know what, Derek? It doesn't even seem like you even _like_ Addison most days, let alone love her. I'm not the only one who sees this, you know. She knows you're not happy, too."

"My relationship with Addison is difficult right now. That's all you need to know. And I don't know for sure if I'll ever truly be happy with her again… but there's no way that I can just give up what we've had over the past fifteen years without even trying to fix what's been broken."

Derek paused, letting his words sink in.

"Fine, Derek. I just hope you realize that this thing with Addison is going to crash and burn eventually, and when it does--"

"This conversation is over, Dr. Grey."

- - - - - - - - - -

Addison and Izzie were checking on their patients once again later that afternoon. Mothers and babies all seemed to be doing fairly well for the time being, and Izzie was about to leave the NICU when Addison spoke.

"So, have you made a decision yet, Dr. Stevens?"

"Excuse me?"

"About whether or not you're going to hate me."

Izzie immediately looked away from the older doctor, clearly embarrassed.

"What makes you think I hate you?" she asked, not at all convincing.

"You're Meredith's friend, and I'm the wicked witch who came in and stole… what is it you guys call him?"

"Uh… McDreamy…"

"Right," she cringed. "I hope that embarrasses him."

"I think it does."

"Yeah, well… I guess by all rights you should hate me. Except that, as you know, I'm going to be sticking around for a while. And from what I've seen so far, you show a real gift for my specialty. And I have a lot to teach if you want to learn."

Izzie nodded, not quite sure how to respond.

"So, when you decide how important it is for you to hate me… let me know. I'd hate to see all your talent go to waste."

_- - - - - - - - - -_

_And now my life has changed in oh-so-many ways  
__My independence seems to vanish in the haze  
__But every now and then, I feel so insecure  
__I know that I just need you like I've never done before_

After her talk with Izzie, Addison decided a short break was called for. She was exhausted, and it was only 4:30, which meant she had another two and a half hours before she could go home and rest. She found an empty chair next to the nurses' station and collapsed into it, giving her feet a much-needed rest. She closed her eyes briefly until her cell phone started ringing from her pocket.

She pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. _Get a clue_, she thought. She hadn't taken his calls in weeks. Was he really that dense?

She flipped open the phone and put it up to her ear.

"What?"

"It's about damn time you answered, Addison! You quit your job, packed your stuff, and moved to Seattle, all without saying a word to me! I had to find out from _Nancy_ where you'd gone and only because she let it slip. And you've been ignoring my calls for weeks."

"Did you ever think that maybe there was a reason for that, Mark?" she asked angrily.

"Don't beat around the bush. I want to know why you left."

"I love my husband, Mark. That's why I left."

"But _he_ doesn't love _you_, Addison. _I_ love you."

"No, you don't. You love the _idea_ of me. And of beating Derek. If you had really loved me, you wouldn't have slept with that nurse when we were together."

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"You didn't know I knew about that, did you?"

"Listen, Addie--"

"No. You do not get to call me that, nor do you get to justify yourself. We're through, Mark. I love Derek, and we're trying it put our marriage back together. Stay out of it, stop calling, and just leave me alone."

She snapped the phone shut and leaned her head back against the wall behind her. A few seconds later, she heard a couple of voices coming from around the corner.

The first voice belonged to Meredith. "He is just so infuriating! He doesn't love her! Why is he staying with her?"

"I'm assuming the talk didn't go well?" Cristina asked.

"He dumped me. Said he's trying to 'fix what's been broken.'"

"Seriously?"

"Yep. She's staying, and they're trying."

"But he didn't say he loved her?"

"No. He said their relationship was 'difficult' right now and that he can't say for sure that he will ever really be happy being with her… but nothing more than that."

"Well, that's something, right?"

"I guess. I mean, it's obvious to everyone that he doesn't enjoy being around her. What I don't get is why she is staying with someone who clearly doesn't want her around."

Addison had heard enough. She tossed the chart she was holding onto the counter of the nurses' station and headed toward the door that led to the back of the hospital. Once outside, she leaned against the wall and let herself sink down to the ground, pulling her legs up to her chest and leaning her head on her knees.

How was it that she had managed to overhear all of Meredith Grey's conversations about her today? The gossip mill at Seattle Grace was so much worse than any other hospital she had ever worked at. It was bad enough to be insecure about your relationship with your husband, but to have to hear everyone, including his mistress, talk about it and analyze it in their own judgmental way made it so much worse.

Of course, Addison couldn't be entirely sure that Derek's words hadn't been taken out of context or that Meredith had only heard what she wanted to hear. She hoped that was the case. She hated to think that Derek could never be happy with her again and that he had actually told that to his mistress.

Addison sat alone for a while, trying to fight back tears of frustration and exhaustion, though a few managed to sneak out. She looked up as she heard footsteps approaching and quickly wiped the stray tears from her cheeks. _Can't a woman get a moment of peace around this place? Who the hell is out here?_

As the person got closer, Addison realized that it was Izzie Stevens. The intern hadn't noticed her attending sitting alone out there until she was a few feet away.

"Oh, uh… Dr. Shepherd… I didn't see you there. I'll just go…"

"It's fine, Stevens. Have a seat." She motioned to the ground next to her.

"I like to come out here sometimes… just to clear my head and think about things," Izzie blurted out as she sat down beside Addison. "I didn't know anybody else ever came here."

"I usually don't. But it seemed as good a place as any to get away."

The two women sat together in silence as the moments passed, neither knowing what to say to the other.

Izzie finally broke the silence. "I don't hate you."

"Okay."

More silence.

"I really think I'd enjoy working with you… that is, if you still want to teach me."

"Glad to hear it, Stevens," Addison replied with a smile.

"And for what it's worth, I really do think that you and Dr. Shepherd are going to work through this. I know this is completely unprofessional of me and that I don't know either of you that well… but you make so much more sense than he and Meredith ever did. Just hang in there." Izzie gave Addison's arm a quick squeeze.

"Thank you, Dr. Stevens," Addison said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Izzie," she corrected her.

"Okay. Then… it's Addison."

"Okay."

They sat there a little while longer, neither of them wanting to go back inside the hospital quite yet. Addison hoped and prayed that Izzie was right about her and Derek. She didn't know what she was going to do if they couldn't work things out, and honestly, she didn't even want to think about it.

_Help me if you can; I'm feeling down  
__And I do appreciate your being 'round  
__Help me get my feet back on the ground  
__Won't you please, please help me  
__Help me  
__Help me_

* * *

So. I think I need to clarify that I actually _don't_ hate Meredith. From the way I've been writing her, it may seem that way. But really, I don't. That's just the way she is in this story. 

And Addison and Izzie are kind of friends now. Which is good. Addison needs a friend.

They _will_ talk in the next chapter. I promise.

Review, please.


	10. Fall Away

Okay, so… it's been… a week? I promised you guys a talk. It took me a long time to get it the way I wanted, and I'm still not completely happy with it. But I can't decide on a better way to write it, so I just decided I was going to post this and just leave it as is.

Um… what else? I'm thinking that there might be four or five more chapters. I know exactly how I am going to end the story… I just have to get there. Which is the hard part.

Oh, and the **song**: "Fall Away" by The Fray.

Read.

* * *

_**Chapter 10  
**__**Fall Away**_

"Hey," Derek said as he approached Addison at the nurses' station later that evening. She was finishing up the notes in her chart before heading home for the night.

"Hi," she replied.

"Your eyes are all red and bloodshot. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Tired."

"Too tired to have dinner with me? I thought we could grab some Chinese food and take it back to my place and talk."

She thought about it for a quick second. She had had a really long day, especially with having to deal with Mark's phone call and Meredith's conversations, and she was really tired and wanted to sleep. But this was the first time Derek had actually been the one to initiate an actual conversation, and something told her she better take advantage of that.

"No, not too tired for that," she said, smiling at him.

- - - - - - - - - -

_You swear you recall nothing at all  
__That could make you come back down  
__You made up your mind to leave it all behind  
__Now you're forced to fight it out  
__You fall away from your past  
__But it's following you_

An hour and a half later, they were sitting on the porch outside the trailer, finishing up the last of their dinner. They had been making small talk up until now, and both of them knew it was time to start dealing with more serious issues.

"I talked to Meredith today," Derek began cautiously. "I told her that whatever she and I had is over."

"Thank you," Addison replied simply, choosing not to bring up what she overheard Meredith talking about earlier. It had bothered her, yes, but there were more important things to deal with tonight than Meredith Grey's analysis of their relationship.

"So… where do we…?" Derek asked cautiously.

"I don't know."

They were both quiet for a moment before Derek finally spoke.

"Why did you sleep with Mark?"

Addison was taken aback by the bluntness of his question.

"Wow, way to cut to the chase there, Derek."

He just looked at her and raised his eyebrows, silently telling her that he was serious.

"You really want to know?" she asked him after she had taken a few seconds to collect her thoughts.

"I need to know."

"Then you have to let me talk, and you can't say anything until I'm done, okay?"

"Okay."

She took a deep breath and then began.

"It just… happened. It's not something I planned. I never thought I would be unfaithful to you. Ever. That night… I had a really terrible day at work. I lost three babies and a mother that day. I got home, and you weren't there. I wanted _you_ to be there so badly… to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I missed you so much. You were always working, and I never saw you… and we both had gotten lazy. We didn't even bother to fight anymore, Derek. I guess by that point, I had just given up hope that you would ever see me again. Anyway, I was really upset, and Mark called to talk to you. But you weren't there. And he could tell that I had been crying, so he came over. I didn't want _him_ there. But he wouldn't go home when I was so upset. He saw that I was vulnerable, and he took advantage. And I let him. I didn't try to stop him. He reminded me of you…"

Derek nodded slightly. This was incredibly painful for him to hear. Addison had stopped talking, so he asked, "When I caught you… was that the first…?"

"Yes. I told you that night, and I'll tell you again. It had never happened before, I swear."

"Okay."

"There's more, though."

He grimaced. Addison saw it. She didn't want to finish the story because knew it would hurt him. But he had to know. If they were going to do this, she had to be completely honest.

"After you left… I stayed with him. For almost two months. Until about a week before I came out here."

"You… you stayed with him?" Derek asked, disbelievingly. "You _stayed_ with _him_?!" His voice was rising as he processed what he'd just heard.

"Yes," Addison replied softly.

Derek stood up and had begun pacing back and forth across the deck, running his fingers through his hair.

"You _stayed_… I can't believe you _stayed_ with him!"

"I know, Derek! Don't you think I know how stupid that was?!"

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, then Addison continued.

"I just missed you so, so much. More than you could ever know." She began to talk faster, afraid that she wouldn't be able to say everything she wanted before he stopped listening to her. "And I thought that if I stayed with him, if I tried to make it work, then I wouldn't have thrown my marriage away for nothing. But I was wrong, okay? And he's Mark. And I caught him with somebody else."

Derek was silent. He had always suspected in the back of his mind that Addison might have stayed with Mark after he had left, but hearing her confirm it was so much different than just thinking that it might be true.

"Derek? Please say something."

"How could you have stayed with him?"

"I wasn't thinking. I was numb to everything. It was like I was in a trance. I was afraid I'd lost you forever. It's not an excuse, I know. But it's all I have."

"Why, um… why did you leave him?"

"Because I never should have been with him in the first place. Him cheating on me finally drove that point home. I never loved him."

She paused, waiting for some sort of response from Derek. He finally turned and looked at her, so she continued. "I gave my heart away fifteen years ago, and no one else could ever have it. You've got to know that, Derek. Why else would I still be here?"

It was silent for a few moments while Derek absorbed everything Addison had just told him.

"Derek, I am so sorry."

"Addison… when I caught you with Mark, I thought my world had ended. I had to get away… someplace where I wouldn't be reminded of what you did everyday. I didn't want to think about you at all."

"So… Meredith?"

He nodded. "I met her a couple nights after I got out here. She was the complete opposite of you, and I thought being with her would make me forget about you. About what you did. I thought I could just forget it all."

Addison just stared down at her lap, playing with the zipper on her jacket.

"But I was wrong." Her head shot back up, and she looked him straight in the eye as he continued talking. "I thought about you every day, Addie. Every day. I wasn't just angry with you; I was angry with me, too. I've slowly began realizing that I'm partly to blame for what our marriage has become."

He paused, then continued talking. "I'm not going lie to you, Addison; I'm still really angry with you. And I can't pretend that what you just told me didn't hurt. But I'm glad you told me. When my dad was here, he said that you and I don't stand a chance unless we forgive each other like crazy. I know he's right. But I'm not ready to forgive you. I want to... but I'm not to that point, yet. And I don't know if you are to the point of forgiving me for everything, either. But I want us to get there. I want to fix this."

"Me, too," she replied.

"It's going to take a while, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It is," she said, realizing that they had hurt each other badly, maybe even deeper than either of them realized.

Derek reached over, gave her hand a squeeze and then let go. They just sat together for a long while, close but not touching. It was completely dark now. Crickets were chirping, and the stars were visible in the sky above them.

Addison knew she had to tell Derek the rest of the story. The rest of what had happened in New York after he left. She couldn't keep it from him forever. Not if she wanted an honest, open relationship. He had to know. She really didn't want to tell him tonight, though. But before she could stop herself, she was speaking again.

"Derek, there's something else you should know, too," she said slowly.

"Some other time, Add."

"I really think you need to know this."

"Is it something that absolutely cannot wait?"

"Well, no… but…"

"Then let's talk about it next time. I promise… we'll sit down and do this again. Just… no more tonight. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly.

"I'm tired. You want to drive me home?" Addison asked a minute later.

"I can do that. Or you can just crash here, if you want. You'll get to sleep quicker."

"Are you sure?"

"It's fine. The stuff you used last time is in the closet by the bed. Let me just grab a blanket, and I'll be out of your way."

"Derek, I'm not going to chase you out here when it's this cold. That bed is plenty big, and it's not like we've never slept together before."

"Yeah… I guess you're right," he agreed. They gathered their things from the porch and went inside and got ready for bed. Laying down a few minutes later, they both turned on their sides, facing each other.

"Do you realize we just had an almost civilized conversation with each other tonight?" Addison said.

"I know… kind of freaked me out a little."

They both laughed. Derek slowly leaned toward her, pulling her face toward his. He softly kissed her lips, and she smiled as he pulled away.

"Goodnight, Addie."

"'Night," she replied, already half-asleep.

_Something I've done  
T__hat I can't outrun  
__Maybe should wait  
__Maybe you run  
__But there's something you've said  
__That can't be undone_

- - - - - - - - - -

"You're in a good mood this morning," Miranda Bailey commented as she walked into the break room the next morning.

"Yes, I am," Addison replied.

Miranda began pouring herself a cup of coffee while sneaking sideways glances at the other doctor. Addison was seated at the table, humming quietly to herself while reading the newspaper.

"Any reason for this good mood? One that isn't going to make me sick to my stomach?"

"I spent the night at Derek's last night. And he made my favorite breakfast for me this morning," Addison replied with a smile.

"Okay, what did I _just_ say?"

"Relax, Miranda. All we did was talk. In a civilized, no-name-calling, adult manner. And he kissed me. On his own."

"This story better end right there."

"It does," Addison said, smirking at Miranda. "For now, anyway."

"Well, either way, I'm really glad to see you in such a good mood. It's about time you looked happy to be here."

"I am. For the first time since I arrived, I can honestly say that I am happy. Last night was a big step for Derek and me. Obviously things aren't all sunshine and rainbows… but still…" she trailed off.

"Addison Shepherd… you can't stop smiling."

"I know."

"Good morning!" Izzie greeted them as she walked into the break room.

"'Morning, Izzie," Addison replied.

"Stevens, are you always this perky so early in the morning?" Miranda asked with little enthusiasm.

"Um… I guess," Izzie shrugged and went to sit down next to Addison.

"Well, you better still be perky in 20 minutes when we start rounds. Don't be late," Miranda said as she walked out of the room.

Addison was still reading her paper as Izzie sat next to her, staring at the attending and drumming her fingers on the table. Addison finally relented, lowering the newspaper and looking at Izzie with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" Izzie asked innocently.

"You were staring at me."

"Sorry. I was just noticing how… different you look today. That's all."

Addison raised her eyebrow again.

"Not _bad_ different! You look happy."

Addison smiled at her.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just… thank you for what you said yesterday. I'm hanging in there… things seem to be looking up."

"Good. I'm really glad."

Addison offered Izzie part of the newspaper, and they both sat there reading their respective sections until Addison's pager went off.

"I've gotta go," Addison said.

"Yeah, me too. Bailey will have my ass if I'm late for rounds."

"You want on my service today? I could use the extra help, if you're interested."

"Yeah, totally. I'll see you later."

Izzie rushed out of the room, and Addison followed behind her. The page wasn't a 911, so she figured it wouldn't do any harm for her to take her time answering it.

- - - - - - - - - -

"You need to talk to Derek," Izzie whispered to Meredith during rounds. "Tell him that you're not going to pursue him anymore and just end whatever it is you think you have with him. He told you it was over, and you need to accept that."

"What?"

"Just… trust me on this, okay?"

"No. Give me a reason."

"He's married! What more of a reason do you need?"

"He doesn't love her! Everyone can tell. And I know he didn't mean what he said yesterday. He's just trying to be the good guy. And I'm not giving up on what we had without a fight."

"That's just it, Mer – you didn't truly have anything. He was just hiding from reality. He's with Addison, and you just need to stay away. Please."

"Why are you taking her side? You're supposed to be _my_ friend."

"I _am_ your friend. If I didn't honestly believe this was the right thing to do, I wouldn't be asking you to do it."

"Well, I'm not going to do it. Not until he can look me in the eye and tell me that he loves her and is happy being with her. Until then, I'm not just going to give up."

Izzie glared at her friend. She loved Meredith to death, but she just couldn't believe how naïve she was when it came to Derek Shepherd.

"Stevens, Grey! Am I boring you?" Dr. Bailey's voice boomed.

"No," Meredith and Izzie answered simultaneously.

"Maybe a day in the pit would be more exiting. Go!"

Both women sighed and reluctantly made their way to the pit.

"Anyone else want to join them?" Miranda asked. Alex, George, and Cristina refused to make eye contact with her. "Didn't think so. Let's go."

- - - - - - - - - -

Addison reached the nurses' station where she had been paged and greeted the nurse behind the desk.

"Morning, Debbie. I was paged?"

"There's someone here to see you. He apparently thinks I am your personal secretary as opposed an actual nurse who has a _real_ job to do. Jackass."

"Uh, okay… where is he?"

Debbie didn't have a chance to answer before Addison heard an all-too-familiar voice from behind her.

"'Morning, Addison. Good to see you."

_And you fall away from your past  
__But it's following you  
__You fall away  
__It's following you_

* * *

Don't you love it when I do that to you? Bahaha.

I will try to have the next chapter up this week, but I can't promise anything. I'm going to be busy finishing up at work and getting packed to head back to school. Finally.

Review.


	11. It Don't Matter to the Sun

Only four reviews last chapter. I am not pleased. Let's work on that, shall we?

Something else I am not pleased with? I have recently embraced the hilarity that is _The Office_, which NBC has decided to move to 9:00 on Thursday nights. I refuse to give up my beloved _Grey's_, and I do not own a TiVo because I am a poor college student, so this means I will have to tape _The Office_. And this will require a lot of remembering on my part, which may be hard. That's what she said. OH! Snap.

I do want to say thank you to the faithful four who _did_ review on the last chapter. You all made me a happy girl. And I knew you guys would figure out who the mystery person was this time. No big surprise there. I promise he won't be around for long.

**Song**: "It Don't Matter to the Sun" by either Rosie Thomas or Garth Brooks. Both versions of the song are beautiful.

* * *

_**Chapter 11  
**__**It Don't Matter to the Sun**_

_It don't matter to the sun  
__If you go or if you stay  
__No, the sun is gonna rise  
__Shine down on another day  
__There will be a tomorrow  
__Even if you choose to leave  
__It don't matter to the sun, no  
__But it matters to me_

"Aren't you going to at least give me a hug?"

Addison was frozen in place, her eyes closed, not believing that this was actually happening. She slowly turned around to face her visitor.

"What are you doing here?" she asked evenly.

Mark just crossed his arms and smirked at her.

"What? You're not happy to see me?"

"Does it _look_ like I'm happy?"

"Maybe you're just hiding it well."

She glared at him.

"Okay, _very_ well."

"I told you on the phone yesterday that I didn't want to see or talk to you. In what world does that translate into, 'Come on out to Seattle?'"

"Well, you see… I had originally planned to leave you alone. Wait for you to realize that your marriage was over and that coming all the way out here was the biggest mistake of your life."

"No, that was you."

Mark ignored her and continued. "But then I got an interesting fax from a Dr. Morgan."

Addison stiffened.

"Okay, so the fax wasn't _technically_ for me… but I'm the one who found it. Minor detail. Anyway, it was rather intriguing. Care to venture a guess as to what it might say?"

"What the hell are you doing reading my medical information? It's none of your damn business!"

"It was sent to the hospital," he said innocently. "I just thought I would browse through it before giving it to your doctor."

"It didn't concern you, Mark!"

"Like hell it didn't!"

It was at this moment that Addison decided that fate really did have it out for her. Derek walked out of an exam room down the hall and saw his wife talking to none other than his former best friend. Addison's back was toward Derek, so Mark was the one who saw him first.

"Derek! Glad you could join us," Mark said arrogantly as Derek began walking toward them.

"Addison, what the hell is _he_ doing here?! Did you call him??"

"No!"

"Then _why_ is he _here_?"

"I don't know why he's here."

"Uh, I was just about to tell you. Why don't you hang around, Derek? This could be fun."

"I doubt it," Derek responded.

"Mark, go home," Addison said coldly.

"Oh, I will. There's no way I would stay here longer than necessary." He paused briefly. "But I wanted to make sure you were feeling okay."

"Why would you come all the way out here just to see how she was feeling?" Derek demanded.

"Well, I hear that women can be in pain for a while after having an abortion. Not to mention the emotional side-effects that kind of thing can have on a woman."

All color drained from Addison's face right then and there. Her knees went weak, and she barely made it to the nearest chair before collapsing into it.

"Addison?" Derek asked.

"Oh… did you not know about that?" Mark asked innocently. "My bad."

"Addison?" Derek asked again.

She felt like all the air had been knocked out of her. She tried to speak, but nothing came out.

Derek stared at her in disbelief.

"Is that true? Did you really have an abortion?"

She couldn't talk. She met his eyes with a look of pain and sadness, and he knew.

He knew, yet he couldn't believe it was true. His wife had been pregnant and had aborted his child. _Wait_…

"Was it mine?" Derek asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Addison couldn't meet his eyes.

"Was. It. Mine?" he asked more firmly.

There was nothing she could say. Nothing would make this better.

"Doubtful, buddy," Mark chimed in. "She was only six weeks along. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but you haven't actually had sex with her in _months_. Which is where I came in"

"SHUT UP, MARK!" Derek yelled. He was livid. _His_ wife had gotten pregnant with his _ex_-best friend's child. And she hadn't told him. All this talk about wanting to fix their relationship and needing to be honest with each other… it had all been a lie. Everything.

Addison finally made herself look at her husband. He was angry, sad, hurt, and confused, among many other feelings. She could see it etched in every feature of his face.

"Derek…" she whispered.

"No. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Derek!"

"Addison. Not. Now. I… I can't even look at you."

With that, he stormed off, leaving Addison sitting alone in the chair as tears began streaming down her face.

_It ain't gonna stop the world  
__If you walk out that door  
__This old world will just keep turnin' 'round  
__Like it did the day before  
_'_Cause to them it makes no difference  
__It just keeps on keepin' time  
_'_Cause it ain't gonna stop the world, no  
__But it'll be the end of mine_

- - - - - - - - - -

Addison didn't know how long she sat in the chair. She hadn't even noticed when Dr. Burke had come by and asked Mark to leave and then threaten to call security if he wouldn't. She hadn't noticed the group of interns and nurses that were watching her from afar, in a way that had been subtle when there were only two or three of them but wasn't now that there were twelve. She hadn't noticed that Miranda Bailey had approached her and helped her to stand up.

The next thing she knew, she was being led from the chair into an empty exam room. Someone sat her down on a couch and tried to hand her a glass of water. She hadn't looked at it. She vaguely heard the door close and then re-open a few minutes later.

Miranda had gone to find Izzie. Besides Miranda, she was the next closest thing that Addison had to a friend in Seattle. Neither of them really knew what had happened. The last time they had seen her, Addison had been happy. Now… she was the complete opposite of happy. And her husband was nowhere to be found.

Izzie and Miranda sat on the couch, one on either side of Addison, and tried to get her to open up and tell them what had happened. Addison said nothing. So they sat quietly with her until she was ready to talk.

The sound of a pager filled the room a while later. Izzie and Miranda looked down at theirs. Addison didn't move.

"It's mine," Miranda said. "Izzie, stay with her. I'll make sure you don't get paged. Just don't leave her alone. Got it?"

"Yeah."

Miranda glanced back at Addison before closing the door quietly behind her.

Addison had stopped crying and was now sitting completely still, staring off at nothing, mascara still streaked down her cheeks. She took a deep, ragged breath. Izzie reached for her hand, and Addison turned to face her for the first time.

"What happened?" Izzie asked gently.

A few seconds later, Addison quietly responded, "Mark."

"Who's Mark?"

"He's… the man I cheated with."

"And he showed up here today?"

Addison nodded.

"I can see how that would make you upset. But something else happened, too… didn't it?"

She nodded again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I stayed with Mark after Derek left me," Addison blurted out abruptly. "Last night I finally told Derek about that. But there was more to the story… and I wanted to tell him. I _tried_ to tell him… but he was tired, and I was tired, and we both agreed that we'd talk about it next time. And then Mark showed up here and told him what _I_ was supposed to tell him. And he walked away. Just… just like that night in New York. He just… left. And now…" she choked back a sob before continuing. "Now… I'm afraid that it might be for good."

Izzie didn't know that there was anything she could say that would make her feel any better. So instead, she wrapped her arm around Addison and gave her a hug, simply letting her know that she was there, as Addison sobbed on her shoulder.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Ah, the other dirty mistress. We finally meet."

"How do you know who I am?" Meredith asked.

"I have my ways," Mark replied as he held out his hand to shake hers. "Mark Sloan."

She looked at his hand for a few seconds before actually reaching out and shaking it.

"Meredith Grey. Although I get the feeling that you already knew that."

Mark just grinned at her.

"So. You're the guy who slept with Addison?"

"And you're the girl who slept with Derek."

"Why are you here?"

"Why do you think I'm here?"

"I think you came out here to try and win Addison back," she said pointedly. She received a smug look in response. "Good luck with that. She seems pretty set on staying with Derek."

"Maybe so. But we'll see. Who knows… I could have just done us both a huge favor."

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's just say I spilled the beans to Derek about a big secret that Addison has been keeping. And to say that he didn't take it well would be an understatement. He stormed off, maybe for good."

"You did what?"

"I thought you, of all people, would be happy to see the possible demise of the Shepherd marriage."

_Yeah… me, too_, she said to herself.

"You really aren't a nice person, are you?"

"My four-hundred-dollar-an-hour shrink says that behind this rugged and confident exterior, I'm self-destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree. And apparently it's my mission to bring everyone else down with me."

"Maybe that's something you should work on. Back in New York."

- - - - - - - - - -

"Addison?"

"Mmm?"

"It's been two hours. How are you feeling?" Izzie asked in a concerned voice.

"Don't know."

"Can I do something?"

"No."

Izzie sighed and leaned her head back against the wall. She had been sitting with Addison for two hours, and aside from her little speech before her breakdown, she hadn't said anything at all. After the sobbing had stopped, she sat silently, starting absently at the ground.

The door swung open suddenly, and Meredith walked into the room.

"Meredith, now's not a good time," Izzie said.

"No, it is. I need to talk to Addison."

Meredith stood in front of the attending until she focused her attention on her. "I want you to know that I'm done. I'm done chasing your husband and trying to make your life miserable. I'm sorry."

Both Addison and Izzie looked at her with baffled looks plastered on their faces, wondering what caused this change of behavior in Meredith.

"Thank you," Addison managed to whisper after a few moments.

"Where is he?" Izzie asked.

"I don't know. He used to go up on the roof a lot when he needed time to himself. I would try looking there first."

"Thank you. Stay here with her. I'll be back in a little while."

- - - - - - - - - -

Izzie found the stairs leading to the roof and quickly made her way up there, but Derek was nowhere to be found. She asked around, but no one had seen him in hours.

She figured her last option would be to check with the front desk and see if he told them anything before disappearing.

"Hey, Terri, has Dr. Shepherd been by here at all today?"

"No, sorry. You want me to have him paged?"

"No… that's okay." Izzie figured he wouldn't answer a page unless it was a real emergency. And she figured that paging him for a fake emergency wouldn't help the mood he was in or make him more likely to listen to her.

She sighed dejectedly, thinking of what to do next, when she heard a voice off to the side.

"Are you another one of Derek's lusty interns? You seem more like my type than his."

She turned to face Mark. "If you're who I think you are, you better back away from me as fast as humanly possible before I do something that will cause you a great deal of pain."

"You must be a friend of Addison's."

"What you did today… it was mean. And spiteful. And cowardly."

"I love her. I just want her to come home."

"You have a funny way of showing it. If you really love her, let her go. She loves him."

"He doesn't deserve her."

"Yeah, well… neither do you."

- - - - - - - - - -

"Do you think he's gone?"

Meredith turned at the sound of Addison's voice. She hadn't spoken in a good half-hour, and since Meredith had been avoiding all eye-contact with her, she had assumed that Addison had fallen asleep.

"I don't know," Meredith replied honestly.

"God, I hope he isn't gone. I lost him once, and it broke me. I don't know that I can recover from that again."

"I'm sure he's around here somewhere. He probably just needs some time to cool off."

"Yeah…" Addison mumbled, not really believing what Meredith had just said.

"You need to get some rest. I'm going to page Izzie, and we'll take you home, okay?"

"Okay."

Meredith got up to use the phone at the desk outside, and Addison remained on the couch, not moving from the spot she had occupied for the majority of the afternoon.

What if Derek had packed up and left again? They had been doing better. Just a few hours ago, she was happy and optimistic. Now she felt like her world was crumbling around her again.

_Bastard_. How could Mark have done that to her? What person in their right mind would do that to someone they claimed to care about? Why would he bring up something that he _had_ to know would be a horribly painful topic for her? And in front of Derek?

She was so afraid that Derek had taken off again. For all she knew, he could have gone straight back to his trailer, packed it up, and was on his way to somewhere else by now.

She had to find him before he could leave her again. But how?

"Addison? Are you ready to go?" she heard Izzie's voice call from the door.

"Derek. Did you find him?"

"No. I didn't."

Addison hung her head.

Meredith piped in. "But… we're going to take you home with us, get you something to eat and a warm bath, and Izzie's going to keep looking for him." She looked at Izzie. "Right?"

"Right."

"Okay."

"Addison. I _will_ find him. Okay?"

She nodded.

"Okay, let's go."

_It don't matter to the moon  
__If you're not in my life  
__No, the mood will just keep hangin' 'round  
__Like it's just another night  
__Find another place to shine down  
__On some over lovers' dreams  
_'_Cause it don't matter to the moon  
__But it matters to me_

* * *

So, I think Meredith may have redeemed herself in this chapter. What do you think? And also, I want to say the same thing for Mark that I did for Meredith – I don't hate him. I actually like him a lot. But for the purpose of this story, he had to be a jackass. So…

Okay… I do not have the next chapter written… except for in my head. And I am moving back to school on Sunday, which means I will be pretty busy over the next few days. Usually I try to write a few chapters ahead, but that has not been working out so well for me lately. So I will try to get the new chapter up as soon as I possibly can.

Review. And I'll give you a Dwight Schrute bobble-head. I mean, who _wouldn't _want one of those?!


	12. So Small

Okay, I want to make one thing clear -- Addison and Meredith are _not_ friends. I don't like them as friends, and realistically, they never could be friends. Meredith is just realizing what she has been doing is wrong, and she is trying to fix it. Because even if you hate her, she really is a good person deep down. So that's that.

And I have to say that I love Shonda for bringing Grey's into our lives, but sometimes she really pisses me off. Case in point: "Derek loves Meredith more than anything, and I can't imagine Derek going anyplace else other than Meredith." To this I say, "Think outside the box, Shonda!" Whhhhy can't she see how fabulous Addek is?

What else? Oh, yes. For those of you who don't know who Dwight Schrute is... two words: _The Office_. It's hilarious. Embrace it. Love it.

You reviewers make me so excited to write this story. I promise I am trying to get it out for you as fast as I can.

**Song**: "So Small" by Carrie Underwood.

* * *

_**Chapter 12  
**__**So Small**_

_It's so easy to get lost inside  
__A problem that seems so big at the time  
__It's like a river that's so wide, it swallows you whole  
__While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change  
__And worrying about all the wrong things  
__Time's flying by, moving so fast  
__You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back_

"Addison Shepherd is asleep on your couch," Cristina stated obviously as she barged into Meredith's kitchen.

"Yep."

"Uh… why?"

"Izzie and I didn't think she should be alone right now," Meredith told her, hopping up to sit on the counter.

"Since when do you care about the She-Shepherd?"

"Since today, I guess."

"Okay… why isn't her hubby taking care of her?"

"Long story."

Cristina grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. "So you two are… friends?"

"No. Not at all. We just… have an understanding. She and Izzie are friends."

Cristina slammed the refrigerator door shut and looked around the kitchen. "Where _is_ Izzie? Shouldn't she be in here baking or something? I thought that's what she does when someone is sad."

"She's out. Looking for Derek."

- - - - - - - - - -

Izzie had been looking for Derek Shepherd for an hour. And so far, she had been unsuccessful. It didn't help that she barely knew the man and had no idea where he was most likely to go. She had searched the hospital and had gone to Joe's and a couple restaurants and cafes near the hospital.

"Argh! Where is he?" She pulled out her cell phone and called home.

"Hello?" Meredith answered.

"I need some idea of where else to look. I can't find him, and I've already checked all the places we thought of."

"Um… well, I doubt that he went home. Too easy for someone to find him there. Check down by the piers, though. He has a thing for ferryboats, so maybe he's down there somewhere."

"Okay, I'll head down there. How's Addison?"

"Snoring like a train. Those were some good drugs you gave her. Cristina's here babysitting with me now."

"Don't let her wake Addison up, no matter how loud she snores. She needs to sleep."

"I'll do what I can, but you know as well as I do that no one can tell Cristina anything."

"True. Okay, well… I'll call you later and let you know what I find."

She hung up and began walking the few blocks from the hospital down to the boardwalk by the piers. _That man better be down here_, she thought to herself. _Or when I actually do find him, _I'll_ kill him before he has a chance to redeem himself._

- - - - - - - - - -

"Why is Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd sleeping on our couch?" George asked Meredith as he walked into the kitchen to join her and Cristina.

"Long story," Cristina said, repeating what Meredith had told her earlier.

"Izzie didn't want her to be alone. She had a pretty rough day," Meredith explained.

"Okay… but it's weird. How long is she going to be here?"

"Until Izzie can find McDouchey and talk some sense into him."

"Wait, what? Since when is he 'McDouchey?'"

"Since today."

"Why? What happened?"

"He kind of abandoned Addison when she really needed him," Meredith told him briefly.

George was confused. "How does that end up with her on our couch?"

"She needed help. We couldn't just leave her there alone."

"So you're not…?"

"No. That's over. Oooover. They belong together. I just hope it isn't too late for him to realize that."

- - - - - - - - - -

"You bastard. Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

Izzie had walked so far down the boardwalk that she felt like her feet were going to fall off. She had stopped to look at every dark-haired man she had seen and had received more than a few strange looks. But she finally found the right man sitting on a bench and staring aimlessly at the water.

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you about what you did. How could you just walk out like that?"

"You don't know what you're talking about. Just stay out of it."

"That's where you're wrong. _I've_ been the one taking care of _your_ wife because _you_ walked out on her. Again."

"Do you have _any_ idea what _she_ did to _me_?"

"Yeah, actually, I do. I was with her all afternoon, trying to fix what you broke. I know more than I ever wanted to know. About your marriage, the affair, the abortion. I bet I even know some things you don't."

"Like what?"

"Oh, like the fact that she _quit_ her job in New York before she ever came out here. Before you ever considered giving her a second chance. She had _that_ much faith in you. In your marriage." Izzie paused as she took in the confused, shocked look on Derek's face. "You _didn't_ know that, did you?"

"N-no…" he stuttered. "I had no idea."

"Well, she was quite chatty in the car on the way to my house." Izzie sat down on the bench next to him.

"Wait… _your_ house. As in, Meredith's house, too?"

"Relax. She's fine. Well, no, she's not. Which is why I'm here."

Derek sighed in frustration. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to listen to me, and I don't want you to talk because you're a man, and you'll just say something stupid. So just _listen_. Do you think you can do that?"

"You do realize that I am technically your boss, right? And that I can have either a very positive or very negative effect on your career?"

"Yes, I do. But right now, I am more worried about Addison. So just _listen_ to me. Okay?"

"Okay."

"What did I _just_ say? Listen! _Okay_?" she emphasized the last word.

Derek was silent.

"Thank you. Now…

- - - - - - - - - -

"How long do you think she's going to sleep?" George whispered.

He, Meredith, and Cristina had moved into the living room where Addison was asleep on the couch and were now watching her sleeping form. She had been passed out there for almost four hours and hadn't stirred once.

"Have you ever heard anyone snore that loud before? I bet she has sleep apnea," Cristina decided.

Meredith ignored Cristina and said, "How weird is this? My ex-boyfriend's wife is in my house. Sleeping on my couch. Drooling on my pillow."

"It's weird."

The three of them turned at the sound of the front door opening. Alex walked in and stopped in the entryway when he saw them watching him from the living room.

"Uh, what are we doing?"

"Watching the She-Shepherd sleep," Cristina said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Alex looked from them to the couch and back again. "Care to explain a little further?"

"This is Meredith's good deed for the day. Taking care of the Mrs. while her wayward husband is off pouting somewhere."

"You _are_ aware how weird this is, right?"

"Yep," Meredith said.

"Are you trying to make up for sleeping with her husband?"

"Something like that, I guess…"

- - - - - - - - - -

"I don't know if you realize this, and I'm guessing that you don't by the idiotic way you reacted earlier, but when you took off like a bat out of hell today, it made Addison remember when you left her before," Izzie told Derek. "She's so afraid you're going to leave her again and never come back. It took me _hours_ to convince her to leave the hospital and come home with me, and I had to give her something to help her calm down and go to sleep. Do you realize how hard it was to try to convince her that everything would be okay when I don't even believe it myself?"

Derek refused to make eye contact with her. He was keeping his word about not saying anything, but it was getting harder and harder not to interrupt.

Izzie continued, "I'm not trying to make her the victim here. Obviously she's done her share of wrong things… but so have you. You're both to blame for what your marriage is. And this thing with Mark… she tried to tell you."

Derek's head snapped up, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Izzie cut him off before he could speak.

"Last night. When you invited her over to talk. She said she told you about her staying with him after you left and then tried to tell you about the abortion, but you had agreed to talk about more later on."

"That doesn't make it better," Derek finally said.

"I know. But at least she was making the effort. You have to at least give her that."

Derek nodded.

"She wanted to tell you herself. She was furious with Dr. Sloan for what he did. She never meant to hurt you."

"She was pregnant with _his_ child, and she never told me. That should have been _my_ baby. She never should have been with him."

Izzie sighed. "You're right. But you can't let someone like Mark Sloan ruin what you and Addison had. He's not worth the effort it takes for you to hate him. I know it's easier said than done, but just let it go. Let him go, and just focus on fixing things with Addison."

"How am I supposed to just be okay with everything that has happened to us?"

"Forgiveness," Izzie said simply.

_Forgive like crazy_. Those words ran through Derek's mind again, and he realized more than ever that his father was right. As usual. There was no way he was going to get through this without forgiveness. Ready or not.

Izzie spoke again before he had a chance to say anything. "Dr. Shepherd. I know I am way out of line here, but she is your _wife_. She loves you. And if I'm not mistaken, you love her, too. For better or for worse. It's in the vows. Despite everything you've been through, you still love her. Am I close?"

He didn't answer her out loud, but Izzie could tell by the look on his face that he was right.

"Then what more do you need?" she asked, smiling at him for the first time that day.

Derek was silent for a long time before finally answering Izzie's question.

"What if love isn't enough?"

"What if it is?"

_Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing  
__Is just a grain of sand  
__And what you've been out there searching for forever  
__Is in your hand  
__And when you figure out love is all that matters after all  
__It sure makes everything else  
__Seem so small_

* * *

Hmmm. Feelings? I personally love Izzie in this chapter. Sometimes I just want to murder her on the show, but not so much here.

I don't have much else to say. I wanted to get this up before _Private Practice_ and _Grey's_ start back up again. I'm sooo excited for both of them. I will try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. Classes start tomorrow, so that could slow things down. I'm thinking that there are only three more chapters, though…

REVIEW.


	13. I Lost It

I know, I know. It's been almost… two weeks? That's what happens when school consumes my life once again. I hope this chapter makes it for it. It was kind of hard to write because I wanted it to be just right. And like I've said, I'm a perfectionist. I hope it makes up for making you wait so long for an update.

**Song**: "I Lost It" by Kenny Chesney.

Read.

* * *

_**Chapter 13  
**__**I Lost It**_

_No one can make me cry, make me laugh  
__Make me smile or drive me mad like she does  
__It's like the curse that is the cure  
__For better or worse, one thing's for sure  
__It's real love  
__And I don't know what I do  
__If I lost it_

"Are you sure she's here today?" Derek asked nervously.

"Yes, for the seventeenth time, I am sure," Izzie replied, clearly annoyed. "I saw her up in the NICU already this morning."

It was two days after Izzie had tracked Derek down and verbally kicked his ass. She had left him sitting on the bench that afternoon, not entirely convinced that he would man-up and do the right thing; however, later that evening, he had called Izzie, begging her to help him make it up to Addison.

After he had convinced her that he was in it for the long haul this time, Izzie had agreed to meet him the next day to figure something out. Miranda had volunteered to stay with Addison, who had taken the day off, and keep her occupied. Izzie met Derek at a nearby restaurant, and after four hours, they had come up with a plan. She had to admit that even though Derek Shepherd had done some pretty stupid things in the past couple months, his "master plan," as he liked to call it, just might help him redeem himself.

"Okay, here's the first one," Derek said as he handed a plain white envelope to Izzie.

Izzie snatched it from his hand, flashed him a knowing smile, and then spun around on her heel and headed off to find Addison.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Alright, Stevens, I need you to run labs on the Murray baby and follow up with me afterwards. Mrs. Wyant may or may not need a c-section this afternoon; I'll keep you updated. Everyone else seems to be doing fine for now."

Izzie nodded and picked up the charts for the patients that she and Addison had just consulted on.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd? This is for you," Izzie said nonchalantly as she handed Addison the envelope.

Addison was confused. "Who's it from?"

"I don't know," Izzie lied as she quickly exited the room.

Addison walked over to the rocking chair in the corner of the NICU and sat down as she opened the envelope. She pulled out a piece of paper and began to unfold it. She froze when she recognized the handwriting.

_Addie,  
__Today is November 28. On this day sixteen years ago, I told you that I loved you for the first time. Our song was playing on the radio. Here are some of the words. Read them and remember…  
__-Derek_

"_Our love is unconditional; we knew it from the start. I see it in your eyes; you can feel it from my heart. From here on after, we'll stay the way we are right now, and share all the love and laughter that a lifetime will allow. I cross my heart and promise to give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true. In all the world, you'll never find a love as true as mine."_

_To be continued…_

Addison couldn't believe what she was reading. After the way Derek had acted the other day, this was the last thing she had expected to find inside that envelope. She wanted so badly to believe what he had written on the piece of paper she was holding in her hand; however, the last few years had brought out the pessimist in her, and she was doubtful of the sudden change in her husband. It was going to take more than a note to fix what had happened the other day. But still… she couldn't help but feel just a little bit happier than she had five minutes prior…

- - - - - - - - - -

Derek was pacing back and forth in the conference room. Izzie was supposed to meet him there any minute to get the next letter from him, and he really wanted to know how Addison had taken the first one. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this nervous about anything.

It was ironic, really. Just a few months ago, Addison had been the one in this position, not knowing if her husband would take her back after her wrong-doings. She had been the one who was scared and nervous about what the future would bring and whether or not she would be alone. Now the roles were reversed. And Derek found it all extremely ironic. If someone had told him a few months ago that the rest of his life would hinge on whether or not _Addison_ would forgive _him_, he would have laughed in their face and called them crazy. But that's where he was today. Hoping and praying that he hadn't lost her forever. He hated that it took this much for him to figure out that he couldn't lose her.

The door opened a few minutes later, and Izzie walked in and closed it behind her. Derek stopped pacing and turned toward her.

"Did you give it to her?" he asked immediately.

"Yes."

"And?"

"And what? I think she read it."

"You _think_ she read it?"

"Well, I didn't stay and supervise her. I handed her the envelope, and I waited outside the door until I saw her sit down and open it. So yeah, I _think_ she read it."

Derek sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Calm down," Izzie told him. "It's going to be okay. Give me the next one."

Derek pulled the second envelope from the pocket in his jacket and handed it to her.

"I'll see you in a couple hours," she said, heading out the door. She stopped when she saw he was pacing again. "Hey, Derek… relax. It's a beautiful day to save your marriage."

He couldn't help but smile as she walked away.

- - - - - - - - - -

Addison collapsed onto the chair in her office. She _really_ wanted a nap at this particular moment in time. She'd hardly gotten any sleep the last couple of nights, and she had just finished with an emergency surgery. It had gone smoothly but was still very stressful. And all she wanted to do right now was sleep.

Unfortunately, she didn't have any time for a nap. And even if she did, she didn't know if she would be able to stop thinking about that letter long enough to fall asleep. It had intrigued her at first, but now… now it was just pissing her off. For the past few hours, she had been trying to figure out what was going through Derek's head today because last she knew, he wanted nothing to do with her. And then, out of the blue, he gives her a note that seems to prove otherwise. What was he trying to do? Play with her emotions just a little bit longer?

"Argh!" she sighed, tired and frustrated.

"Uh… is this a bad time?" Izzie asked from the doorway.

"Oh, Izzie… hi. Sorry. No, it's not.

"I just thought I'd drop off the post-op notes for you to review."

"Thanks," Addison said, taking the chart from her. "So, Stevens… anything you want to tell me?"

Izzie looked confused. "I don't think so…?"

"Nothing? So you have no idea what my husband is up to?"

She immediately looked away from Addison.

"Ah, so you _do_ know something," Addison said. "Spill it. What's he trying to play at with this little note of his?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Izzie said, not at all convincing.

"Oh, really?"

"Nope. But this might help clear it up a little bit," Izzie said with a knowing smirk as she handed the second envelope to Addison.

"Seriously?"

"Just read it. I'm going to grab some lunch. See you later."

Addison played with the envelope in her hand for a few minutes after Izzie had left before finally opening it and pulling out another note with the same familiar handwriting.

"_You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete, and as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet."_

_These words couldn't be truer. You are what makes my life worth living. I'm so sorry for the way I acted the other day and for making you think that I was going to leave you again. I'm asking you for just one more chance to show you how much you mean to me. I don't want to live my life without you. I _can't_ live without you._

Addison set the letter down on her desk and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. _What's he trying to do to me?!_ She wanted to believe what was written on the paper in front of her. But with so much evidence pointing to the contrary, she was still skeptical. But then again…

She stood up and marched off to get this whole thing cleared up.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Stevens! Over here. Now!" Addison ordered her intern.

Izzie hurried over from her table at the cafeteria where she had been eating with Cristina and George, both of whom had shocked looks on their faces, wondering what Izzie had done to anger the beast.

Addison held up the two letters she had received. "My husband seems to have gone into hiding. So you're going to tell me what these are all about. Or I will have you doing sutures until your eyes cross and your hands go numb."

Izzie took her arm and pulled her over to a table out of earshot of the others in the cafeteria.

"He loves you. And before you say anything, let me say that I was just as unconvinced as you are. But I hunted him down that day. I talked to him for an hour. And then he called me that night, begging me to help him. He went on and on about how he couldn't imagine losing you. It actually kind of made me a little nauseous."

Addison just sighed and looked at her, not entirely convinced.

"Look, I don't blame you for thinking that he's not being sincere. But I wouldn't have agreed to help him unless I truly believed that he was. Just give him a chance. I know you still love him, too."

"What if that's not enough? What if we've just hurt each other too much?"

Izzie looked her in the eye and repeated what she had told to Derek. "What if love _is_ enough?"

Addison didn't reply.

Izzie pulled the last envelope out of her pocket. "Here's the last one."

She handed it to Addison and then left so she could read it in private.

"_And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm, you've got the promise of my love to keep you warm. I cross my heart and promise to give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true. In all the world, you'll never find a love as true as mine."_

_We've both screwed up. We've had more than our fair share of heartache over the past couple years. But I've finally learned what it means to forgive like crazy. All the pain and horrible things that have happened seem so insignificant when I realized that love is all that really matters._

_Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd, I love you. Two days ago, I was faced with the possibility that I may have lost you forever, and I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life without you beside me. I will do anything to make it up to you. I love you more than anyone else ever could. If you are willing to give me another chance, I will be at Pier 52 at 8:00. Please meet me there._

She set the letter down on the table and let her eyes wander aimlessly around the cafeteria as she thought about what she should do. She really didn't want to get hurt again. She'd been hurt too much lately that she was afraid she wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces if it happened again.

But then her father-in-law's words played in her head. _Forgive like crazy_. Then Izzie's. _What if love is enough?_

She rose from the chair and left the cafeteria.

* * *

Well. Should she meet him?

I originally wasn't going to end it here. But I wanted to get this out to you guys sooner. And I like to torture you with cliffhangers of this sort. You love me.

Review.


	14. Love's the Only House

Okay, so… we're coming to a close on this story. Which I am kind of sad about, but really, I'm more excited because I am working on a new one already, and I'm already loving it more than this one. It's funnier. At least to me. Which doesn't necessarily mean anything if you're a normal person.

Again, sorry it took so long for me to get this out. Blame school. But I love your reviews and the fact that you actually read this, and I wanted to get it just right. I love the first few sections. The last one I'm not too sure about, but I think it helps kind of set up for the next chapter (or two, depending on how I decide to split it up). But all of your little Addek-loving souls should be pleased after this chapter.

Um, what else? I'm sure there's something of little significance that I could write about… guess not. READ!

**Song**: "Love's the Only House" by Martina McBride.

* * *

_**Chapter 14  
**__**Love's the Only House**_

_Love's the only house big enough for all the pain the world  
__Love's the only house big enough for all the pain_

Derek Shepherd hated waiting. And it was even worse when he was waiting for something that had a very strong likelihood of not even happening. He looked at his watch – 7:48 pm. She should be here soon if she was coming. God, he hoped she was coming.

He continued pacing back and forth, repeatedly glancing in the direction he assumed she would be coming from. He shoved his hands in his pockets. It was freezing. What on earth had possessed him to want to meet _outside_ in _November_? Well, that didn't really matter now. All that really mattered was that Addison showed up.

He stopped pacing for a moment and stood against the railing, looking out at the dark water before him. A million thoughts ran through his mind. Good memories, bad memories, funny ones, sad ones, ones he wished he could undo, ones he wouldn't trade for the world.

He looked down at his watch again – 7:54 pm. He _really_ hoped she was coming.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Addison!"

She spun around at the sound of her intern's voice.

"What's up, Stevens? I'm on my way out."

"Are you going?"

Addison arched an eyebrow.

"I mean… I know it's not really any of my business," Izzie began to ramble. "But I _did_ help him plan this whole thing… and I kind of think I should get to see how it ends. That is, if you want to tell me. You don't _have_ to tell me, but--"

"Izzie," she cut her off. "Stop talking. You did good." Addison smiled at her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

- - - - - - - - - -

8:07 pm. _She's not coming_. Addison was never late.

Derek sighed as he sat down on the same bench he had occupied two days prior. He had really blown it this time. She wasn't coming back.

He stared off aimlessly ahead. The water was calm, perfectly reflecting the full moon hanging in the sky. A young couple walked hand in hand past him, smiling and talking quietly to each other. It made his heart ache.

_She's not coming_, he thought, sighing dejectedly.

"Hey, mister," a familiar voice behind him called out. "Got room on that bench for one more?"

He quickly turned around to see Addison standing behind him, hugging herself tightly to help protect from the cold. He stared at her in disbelief.

"Sorry I'm late."

He walked around the bench toward her, and without a word, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. She closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms securely around his neck.

"I didn't think you would come," he whispered in her ear.

"I almost didn't," she replied honestly.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you did." He pulled back slightly so he could see her face.

She looked back at him.

"Did you mean what you wrote?" she asked.

"Every word," he said sincerely.

"You swear? Because this is it. I can't go through what I've been through in the last couple months anymore. We're either in this together, and I mean _all in_, or I'm gone."

He leaned in a kissed her softly. "I'm _all_ in. I swear."

She leaned her forehead against his. "Good. Because this is where I want to be."

"Addison, I am _so_ sorry. For everything."

"Me, too."

"I have something for you," he said, taking her hand and leading her over to the bench that he had been occupying. They sat down, and Derek released her hand, reaching down to the briefcase on the ground next to him. "I started planning this a couple weeks ago, and it was supposed to be your Christmas present, but after everything that happened this week, I want you to have it now."

He handed her a plain manila envelope, and she opened it, pulling out a couple sheets of paper with a silver key taped to the first sheet.

She stared at the first piece of paper, which had a rough sketch of a house hastily drawn on it. She flipped through the other pages and asked, "What are these?"

"Blueprints. Well, sort of. I drew them, so they're not nearly as good as they were supposed to be."

"Um, okay…" she said, encouraging him to continue.

"They're for a house that I was planning to build. On the land where the trailer is. You deserve a _real_ house. But if you don't like it or you don't want to live there, we don't have to. We can live wherever you want. I meant it when I said I would do whatever makes you happy."

She smiled. "And the key?"

"Well, it's actually to the trailer," he said sheepishly. "But it was going to be a key to an apartment for us to live in while the house is being built. So you wouldn't have to live in the trailer. Despite what you might say, I _know_ you hate it."

"Derek, I… I don't even know what to say." She hugged him, holding on tightly for a moment before pulling back. "Thank you. I can't believe you did all of this."

"Well, you see… there's this woman. She kind of stole my heart away fifteen years ago, and despite everything we've been through since then, she still has it. And she always will. I can't help it… I love her."

Addison smiled, trying not to cry. "She sounds like a lucky girl."

"Not as lucky as I am."

He brushed his thumb across her cheek, wiping away a stray tear, and then leaned in a kissed her. She deepened the kiss, and then buried her face in his neck, holding him close.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear. "So much."

"I love you, too."

- - - - - - - - - -

Hours later, Derek and Addison lay together in the small bed in the trailer. The only light source was the moonlight shining in through the window behind the bed, barely emitting enough light to show their clothes that were strewn around the room. Her head was on his shoulder, and he had an arm wrapped around her, slowly moving his hand up and down her arm.

"That was amazing," she whispered quietly.

He responded by sweetly kissing her on the lips, then pulling her body closer to his.

"So, about _us_…"

"Yeah?" she asked tentatively.

"I've been thinking, and I've decided that from now on, we need to set aside time to just be together. We can talk, or we can not talk. But I think that we need to work on sorting through what went wrong before so it doesn't happen again. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds great. Are you a brain surgeon or something? You're pretty smart," she teased him.

"Oh, how I've missed your sarcasm."

"But seriously, though, I agree with you. And you are pretty smart. Most of the time."

He kissed her forehead.

"Can I ask you something?" he said quietly.

"Sure."

"If… if the baby had been mine… after the way I treated you… would you have… kept it?"

"Yes," she answered honestly. She couldn't even count the number of times she had wished the baby had been his. Her eyes started welling up with tears; terminating that pregnancy was the hardest thing she'd ever done, and she hated to think about it.

Derek felt her tears falling onto his shoulder and sat up, looking at Addison.

"Addie, don't cry. Please. I just had to know. I won't bring it up again."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Here," he said climbing out of bed and pulling on his boxers. "Let me cheer you up. Uh…" he looked around the room, thinking of something amusing to do. After coming up with nothing, he resorted to an attempt at dancing, which actually resembled something more akin to a seizure rather than a dance.

Addison started laughing, and when he got close enough, she grabbed his arm and pulled him back down on the bed next to her.

"Thanks for cheering me up. But you should probably never do that again."

She kissed him and snuggled back into his arms.

"Hey, do you realize it's only a few weeks until Christmas? We need to go talk to Richard tomorrow… ask for our usual week and a half off. Maybe two this year."

"He's not going to like us both leaving for that long," she stated.

"Too bad. I'll tell him I already bought the plane tickets. And they're non-refundable."

"We're going home for Christmas," Addison stated happily.

"Yeah… we are."

He leaned over and kissed her deeply. She ran her fingers through his hair, kissing him back.

"I'm calling in sick today," she stated in between his kisses.

Derek replied happily, "Me, too."

* * *

Well, there you go. Happy Addek all around. Yay! I hope you guys liked this chapter because I re-wrote it like… three or four times. And I always question myself when I re-write things.

Like I said before, there will be either one or two more chapters, depending on how I decide to split them up. So… stay tuned a little longer.

You know what to do.


	15. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Alright, this is it. Last chapter. I was originally going to break it into two chapters, but when I re-read what I had written, a lot of the stuff in it was unnecessary. Sooo… I took it out some of that stuff and shortened it to one final chapter. I hope it lives up to what you all were expecting. Someone had asked if Derek and Addison were going to hit a few more bumps… so I briefly addressed that in this chapter. If I were writing more to this story… yes, they definitely would have. But as this is the last chapter, I wanted to end it on a happy note.

Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing and reading this story. I'm glad you guys have enjoyed it. I am currently working on another story, but I don't know when I will get around to posting it. School is taking over my life. But stay tuned… it's coming!

Okay, READ.

* * *

_**Chapter 15  
**__**Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas**_

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
__Let your heart be light  
__From now on, our troubles will be out of sight_

"Addison! We need to leave _now_, or we're going to miss our flight."

"Hold on, I'll be out in a minute."

Derek stood in the living room of their apartment, tapping his foot impatiently while waiting for Addison to finish packing the rest of her clothes. It was as if she hadn't been aware that they were leaving today.

Almost a month had passed since the Shepherds had reconciled. To say it had been easy ever since would be a lie. More than a few conversations had ended with one or both of them in tears. There had been fights and angry words thrown around, and Derek had been banished to the couch on a few occasions.

But along with the tears and the fights, there had been even more kisses, late nights, and lazy Sunday mornings spent together in bed. This time around, all the fighting and crying didn't have the same effect on their relationship as it had before. Before, they had gone from fighting to nothing at all. No talking, no yelling, no kisses goodnight. Indifference. This time, though, there was no indifference. Both had seen what was at stake should they fall back into their old habits and worked hard not to let that happen again.

Derek had talked to Richard and asked to have his hours cut back at the hospital. Not too much, just enough to spend more time at home with Addison. She, too, had requested more help in her department. She now had another OB-GYN working under her, as well as Izzie Stevens full-time. She and Derek were almost always home every evening together, which was something that hadn't been happening back in New York.

Derek sighed impatiently, still standing in the living room. He would give Addison another minute or so before he headed in there and finished packing _for_ her. He refused to miss their flight back home.

_Thud._

"Ouch!" Addison yelped.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah… I pulled the suitcase off the bed and onto my foot."

"Well, if you hadn't packed half your wardrobe for a four-day trip, it wouldn't have hurt so badly."

"Shut up and come help me!"

Derek just smiled, shook his head, and walked toward the bedroom to help his wife.

- - - - - - - - - -

Christmas Day at the Shepherd household was as crazy as ever. With twenty-one people crowded into the living room, things were nothing short of chaotic. The floor was soon covered with wrapping paper, and the kids were loud and excited about their gifts from Santa.

Soon after opening their presents, the kids were ushered down to the basement to play while Jane, Kathleen, and Jill finished getting dinner ready for everyone.

Derek took the opportunity to pull Addison aside. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her deeply. She responded quickly, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

"Merry Christmas," she murmured against his lips.

"Yes, it is."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"Okay, you two, that's enough. Break it up," Nancy said, interrupting their quiet moment together. "You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. There are children present."

Addison simply laughed as Derek let go of her and took his sister by the arm, pulling her into the kitchen where she would inevitably get roped into helping mother and sisters with dinner.

He walked back to Addison, putting his arms around her once again.

"Now, where were we?"

- - - - - - - - - -

After dinner, the kids had gone back to the basement to play, and their parents were dispersed in the living room and the den where there was a football game playing.

Addison and Derek lay side by side on the couch in the living room, watching an old Christmas movie on TV.

"Addison, can you come in here for a minute?" Jane called from the kitchen.

She pulled herself up off the couch and walked to the kitchen.

"What's up?"

"I have another little gift that I didn't want to give you in front of everyone earlier."

Jane handed her a bag and sat down in the chair next to her.

Addison pulled the tissue paper out of the bag and set it aside. She looked down, confused at what she saw inside.

She looked at Jane and raised an eyebrow.

"What is this?" she asked, pulling out a small one-piece outfit that was clearly for a baby.

"Oh, just a feeling I have…"

Jane began to gather the dishes from the table and took them over to the sink.

"Wait," Addison said. "There's something else in here." She pulled out a pregnancy test and looked disbelievingly at Jane.

"A mother always knows, dear," she said as she made her way into the living room, leaving her shocked daughter-in-law sitting alone at the kitchen table.

Addison sat stunned at the table. Then, unconsciously, she placed a hand on her stomach and began to smile uncontrollably.

Derek walked in a moment later and looked at his wife.

"Addie? Are you okay?"

She stood up from and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him softly.

"So, what did you _really_ want for Christmas?"

He looked quizzically at her, then at the table behind her where he saw the onesie and the pregnancy test.

He, too, began to smile uncontrollably and pulled her into a tight hug, lifting her slightly off the ground before kissing her again.

"Merry Christmas, Derek."

- - - - - - - - - -  
- - - - - - - - - -

_**One Year Later**_

_Through the years, we all will be together  
__If the fates allow  
__Hang a shining star upon the highest bough  
__And have yourself a merry little Christmas now_

"Merry Christmas!" Derek shouted as he opened the front door to his parents' house. "Where is everyone?"

No sooner had he said that when his mother appeared from the kitchen.

"Derek!" Jane said as she engulfed him in a hug. "It's so good to see you. Where's Addison?"

"She should be right behind me," he said, glancing back out to the front porch.

Addison appeared just them, a bag on each shoulder and a large bundle in her arms.

"Merry Christmas, Addison," Jane greeted her.

"Hi, Mom. Merry Christmas," she replied as she stepped into the entryway, and Derek closed the door behind her.

"Okay, let me see her!"

Derek pulled a blanket from the bundle in Addison's arms, revealing a tiny head full of dark brown hair. He took the sleeping four-month-old from his wife and handed her to Jane.

"Here you go, Grandma. Meet Hadley Jane Shepherd."

"Hi there, baby girl," Jane cooed at Hadley. "I'm your grandma. Yes, I am, and I am going to spoil you rotten."

She continued to talk to the baby as she made her way into the kitchen to show her off.

Derek took the bags from Addison, setting them down and then pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his middle, hugging him back. He pulled back just enough to look at her and then leaned down to kiss her.

"Merry Christmas, Addie."

* * *

Well, there you have it. Addison and Derek are together. And they have a baby. A _gorgeous_ baby, mind you. I mean, how could she _not_ be??

Okay, well, this is it, folks. It's over. I'm hitting the "Complete" button.

Like I said, I'm working on another (Addek) story, so if you want to know when that's up, maybe you add me to your alerts. On the other hand, if you weren't a fan of this one and can't believe you just wasted a small portion of your life reading 15 chapters, maybe you don't. It's up to you.

Review one last time, por favor.


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